While the entire country is rejoicing and celebrating Women's Day, an old mother is crying inconsolably in Jhansi. Her son, Avadhesh Yadav committed suicide on February 25, 2015 because of a "woman". This day has no meaning for her as she is confused of the word that means "Women Empowerment". Laws that have been made to protect women, abuse of same became the reason for her son's death.
Here are excerpts from suicide note left by Avadhesh Yadav:
My name is Avadhesh Yadav and I work in a private bank. I got married to Unnati Yadav on December 7, 2012. Within a week of marriage, she started pestering my family by asking divorce for no reason. We ignored. She never allowed me to come close to her for 2-3 months after the marriage. My father advised that with time everything will be fine. But it got only worse. She started misbehaving with my parents, hurling abuses at them. When we complained about this to her family, they gave excuses of some "external influence" on her and they would get her treated. She now started going almost every day at her home and threatened us of a dowry case if we said anything.
In September 2013, she left my home. In December, my father was getting retired and he wished that his daughter-in-law should be part of this program. We signed a mutual agreement where she accepted her wrongdoings and promised to be cordial with the family and I promised to do everything possible to take good care of her. She came back only to harass us even more. She demanded that I leave my parents. Threats of dowry and domestic violence cases increased. Things came to a point where she left my home again in July 2014 with her entire belongings.
On advice of lawyers, we filed a case of restitution of conjugal rights, requesting her to come back. Three months after that in September, she filed a false dowry and domestic violence case (498A) on me, my mother, father, elder brother and his wife. We got bail. Her brother told me she wants to come back.
I refused saying now this was not possible and suggested that we get separated amicably. He refused and threatened me of false cases of molestation, rape on my father and brother and, acid attack on me and getting me killed. Unnati eventually filed a case of molestation in January on my father and brother and they were arrested. I don't know what will this step of mine lead to but I want to save my family from all this humiliation. After I go, they would probably be in peace. I also wish to ask our law makers, how they can make laws that give so much credence to mere words of a woman that whatever the other person is saying has no relevance. Shouldn't the other side be heard too? My father and brother were picked up by police on her statement alone without any evidence.
My family that never even saw a police station has to now do the rounds just because of me. Without any evidence we have been labelled Criminals. Nothing that Unnati wrote about dowry or violence is true. Authorities can investigate the veracity of her statements. They claim to have spent Rs 20 lakh on the wedding; can someone ask them where did they get so much money from? They are demanding that we transfer my father's house in her name. A person who is making such demands before even living with me, what will she do later? I do not want to see my family in pain. I could think of no other way than this to save my family. Please help my family get out of this problem.
Mummy, Papa, forgive me please and take care of yourself. Please do not cry as tears in your eyes would trouble me even more. MY LAST WISH - PLEASE LEAVE MY FAMILY MEMBERS.
Avadhesh Yadav
A case of abetment to suicide has been registered against Avadhesh's wife and her brother. Had this been a married woman, this death would have been called "Dowry Death." Avadhesh's death would not be called "Reverse Dowry" death.
Had this been a married woman, leaving a three page suicide note, it would have made national headlines. This story got published in a paper or two.
Had this been a married woman, entire family of husband would have been thrown in jail, even if there was no suicide note. In this case, no one has been arrested yet. This is not just Avadhesh's story. Several men are committing suicide because of false accusations.
As a social activist, I get calls from Men everyday with almost similar tales to share - refusal to any kind of physical contact by wife after marriage, threats of self harm on requests of physical intimacy, pressure of separation from parents, no participation in any household chores, treating in-laws like servants with both physical as well as mental abuse and whenever there is any argument or complaint over this behaviour, threats of a dowry case and sending every family member behind bars. One case was so horrible, that this man's wife fought daily with him and dialled 100 blaming him instead. There was police at his home every day. Even though the police realized that the man was not at mistake, they could do little to help the man and absolutely nothing against the woman!
There is little a man can do if in an abusive relationship apart from filing divorce. And divorce mostly comes with even bigger abuse - false cases of dowry and domestic violence. Where not only you but your entire family is made to suffer!
Trauma of families trapped in false cases doesn't end ever. Though this is a criminal provision, place of alleged "crime" makes absolutely no difference. A dowry case is usually filed by women in their own home town even though the case is state vs husband and his family. This basically means husband and his entire family travels to a different city/state for cases even if they are innocent. It takes huge toll on mind of a person when he sees his entire family suffering because of him.
Though Avadhesh hanged himself on February 25, he must have been dying inside since long. How would a man feel, if his old paralytic father is accused of molesting his own daughter-in-law? A young life snapped because of a system that doesn't bother to verify claims made if it is by a "woman."
In most 498A cases, either you pay huge money to the girl to settle the case or you fight in the court to prove your innocence for years and years. The latest trend is inclusion of false molestation/rape charges on father and brothers of the husband to ensure arrest of everyone and put tremendous pressure.
Being labelled a criminal when you have done no crime is painful. Being labelled a rapist when you have not done it is rape of one's soul. Seeing your family suffer every hour because of you is nothing short of a death. I receive mails from many men who are facing false cases of either dowry or rape or molestation that they feel like committing suicide. What they don't know is, even after their death, the charges on their family members remain. They still have to fight unless the case is quashed.
As a woman, this women's day I beg to ask my fellow women - Is this why we demanded stringent laws? Is this what we mean by women empowerment that a woman can ruin anyone's life if she wants? Isn't a mother-in-law tortured by her daughter-in-law a woman? Would we ever get rid of crime against women if women start using laws as weapons and our courts get choked with false cases? Is it empowerment that a woman plays gender card and settle scores with whosoever she wants? False cases of crime against women should concern women rights activists because it hurts their cause the most. False cases are no less a crime against actual victims of these crimes. "If cry of wolf is made too often, assistance might not come when actual wolf appears."
As a woman, this women's day, I also request media to at least make an effort to know the other side of the story, know the truth before reporting it. First a false case and then your name splashed all over media in that case does irreparable damage to a person. Report acquittal with as much fervour as you report an accusation!
Deepika Narayan Bhardwaj is a journalist and a documentary filmmaker. She is currently documenting misuse of section 498A of IPC through her documentary film 'Martyrs of Marriage.' She can be reached at [email protected]####
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