How to Write a Sympathy Thank You

Buy cards with envelopes. The colors and design should generally be subdued. Since you are writing a personalized note, choose a blank card or one with very little text; an abundance of trite ready-made phrases will depersonalize your gesture of thanks. Alternatively, you can send a plain note. This is especially appropriate if you feel you have a lot to say. However, if you're at a loss for words, stick with a store-bought card, as they don't lend themselves to a lot of writing. While muted cards are "normal" and socially acceptable, consider using blank cards that reflect the personality of the person whose life is being remembered. For example, tasteful images of a motorbike for someone who loved riding. Do not email a sympathy thank-you. Though this is the most convenient way to contact people, it is also extremely impersonal and will be considered a serious faux pas.

Write with pen. Whether you've chosen a card or a letter, hand-write the note in pen rather than typing it or writing in pencil. Again, this will give the thank-you a more intimate and polished feel.

Address the recipient(s) by name. Opening with “Dear ___” breaks the ice and keeps the message intimate. There is no need to add their title. For example, you should write Dear Dr. Brown instead of dear Brown MD.

Thank the recipient(s) for something specific. This can be an actual item (flowers, a card), a gesture of condolence (attending a funeral, making a heartfelt phone call), or simply emotional support. Mentioning specifics demonstrates that you noticed and appreciated the effort made.

If possible, express something positive about the recipient(s). If someone has passed, for example, you might mention how much the recipient(s) meant to the deceased. If the recipient(s) attended an event, you might mention how much their being there gave you strength. If you can't think of something nice to say about the recipient(s), compliment the present/gesture instead. For example, say that gift comforted you at a dark time, that the flowers were the deceased's favorite, etc.

Make your gratitude clear. Begin wrapping up your thoughts by offering a general expression of appreciation. State how much their kindness or condolences have meant to you and your family.

Conclude the note. Write “Sincerely,” “With love,” “Warm regards,” “From our hearts,” etc. before signing your name or names.