What is Fatuous Love and What Does It Look Like?

• Fatuous love is a type of love that’s high in passion in commitment but lacks intimacy between partners.
• Relationships built on fatuous love often move very fast, and partners usually don’t open up to one another or feel a desire to form an emotional bond.
• Rather than an emotional connection, fatuous love may be based on physical and sexual attraction between partners.

What is fatuous love?

Fatuous love is love with passion and commitment but lacking intimacy. This type of love comes from psychologist Robert Sternberg's triangular theory of love, which states that there are 3 components—intimacy, passion, and decision/commitment—that mix in different combinations to form a total of 8 types of love. Fatuous love is high in passion and commitment, but it lacks intimacy between partners, which often results in a fast-paced relationship where there’s no real emotional bond between the people involved. Intimacy describes feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bondedness partners feel in a relationship. Passion is the physical and sexual attraction partners feel for one another, and it might manifest as lust. Decision/commitment has a short-term and long-term definition. In the short term, it defines a person’s decision to love their partner. In the long term, it’s the decision to maintain that love for as long as possible.

Signs of Fatuous Love

The relationship is very fast-paced. People who experience fatuous love are often described as getting swept up in the passion of their newfound relationship, which can cause them and their partner to move exceptionally fast through the various stages of their relationship. Since there’s usually little or no intimacy, partners likely don’t feel the need to take things slow for the sake of forming a deeper connection. For example, people experiencing fatuous love might be quick to move in with each other or get married despite not being together for that long.

Partners lack a deeper knowledge of each other. When it comes to fatuous love, partners generally don’t know more than the surface-level details about each other. They may not feel the urge or desire to explore deeper topics that would help establish a more emotional and intimate bond. Instead, they’re more likely to stick to lighter, everyday topics when talking. For example, partners may not feel the need to explore topics like each other’s dreams, fears, and values. Instead, they might stick to more familiar topics, such as asking each other how their days were or talking about other people they know.

The relationship may be dominated by sexual attraction. Since fatuous love is high in passion, there may be a lot of sexual attraction and lust that fuels the relationship. For some fatuous relationships, sexual attraction may be the foundation of two people’s commitment to one another as opposed to an emotional bond. When it comes to fatuous love, two people might feel a lot of lust for one another when they first meet and may be quick to establish a romantic relationship based on these initial sparks.

Partners often don’t open up to one another. Intimacy is all about being open with your partner and exploring your vulnerabilities in order to form a deeper emotional connection. However, since fatuous love is usually lacking in intimacy, partners likely don’t take the time to open up or share their deeper thoughts with one another. Partners who do experience intimacy often have a deep friendship that lies at the core of their romantic relationship. On the other hand, fatuous partners may simply view one another as someone they’re physically attracted to or someone they like but don’t feel emotionally connected to.

The relationship may burn out quickly. Since relationships built on fatuous love tend to be fast-paced and often lack a deeper emotional connection, it’s not uncommon for some to end quickly. Even though they might be quick to announce their commitment to one another, they may also be just as quick to fall out of love. It can be hard to get out of a relationship that was built on fatuous love. Someone may find that they don’t enjoy the lack of emotional connection, but the fact that they’ve already committed themselves to their partner can make it hard to leave.

7 Other Types of Love

Non-love This is the term you might use to describe strangers, acquaintances, or people you only know causally. With non-love, there’s no intimacy, passion, or commitment. For example, you might experience non-love when it comes to work colleagues or peers at school you don’t know that well.

Liking Another name for this type of love is simply “friendship.” With liking, you feel lots of intimacy with the other person, but no passion or commitment. Within these types of friendships, you’re often most concerned with the close bond you feel and strengthen your relationship by bonding over your similar qualities and interests.

Infatuation This type of love is high in passion but lacking in intimacy and commitment. Infatuation, or limerance according to some literature, is what you might feel for a crush. Even if you don’t know them that well, you might still get butterflies when you’re around them. Many people describe infatuation as love at first sight.

Empty love High commitment but a lack of passion or intimacy is known as empty love. You’re most likely to see this type of love in situations like arranged marriages or when a couple stays together for the sake of their kids or financial reasons.

Romantic love You might use this term to describe relationships in their early phases or something like a friends-with-benefits situation. Romantic love is high in passion and intimacy, but low in commitment. For example, when you start dating someone, you might feel physical attraction for them and experience a solid emotional bond, but you may still be unsure if you want to commit to the relationship for the long term.

Companionate love Someone you feel companionate love for is the person you might consider your best friend for life. With them, you feel high levels of intimacy and commitment, but no passion. These types of bonds can last a lifetime and are some of the deepest kinds.

Consummate love This kind of love is top-tier and what Sternberg proposed all relationships should try to achieve. It’s the perfect blend of intimacy, passion, and commitment, and it’s also the most difficult type of bond to successfully form. With consummate love, you know the other person on a deep level, you’re both able to sustain your passion for one another, and you’re committed to your relationship and love for one another.