How to Talk to a Girl in Class

Breaking the Ice

Ask a small favor. The easiest way to begin a conversation with someone you want to talk to is to ask a favor. You don’t know this person yet, so you don’t know what you have in common. Asking a favor is a neutral way to enter into conversation without boring them with something they don’t care about. Make sure it’s a small favor that won’t put her out. For example, ask to borrow a pen or read their class notes to see something you missed. If you don’t have your textbook, ask to look on with her. That way, you can sit closer to her, too!

Ask a question about something the teacher said. Since you don’t know her very well yet, you might not know what she likes. The only thing you know for sure that you have in common is the class you’re in with her. Even if you understood the class lecture perfectly, ask her to clarify something the teacher said. As opposed to asking a favor, which can result in a very quick interaction, asking someone to explain something to you will probably result in a longer conversation. Keep the conversation going by asking follow-up questions. If she didn’t understand either, show solidarity! Let her know that you’re in it together, and that you have something in common.

Make her laugh. Girls love guys with a sense of humor, so try to make her laugh. Make eye contact with her when somebody says something silly, or roll your eyes when the teacher assigns homework. Make sure you’re not disrupting class, though, or drawing the teacher’s attention. Getting in trouble will not impress her!

Ask for her opinion on something related to class. You’re looking for anything that begins a speaking relationship with her, so make her feel like you want to know what she has to say. Ask her something related to class, like what she thinks is going to be on the next test, or how many hours she’s planning on putting into preparation for a presentation. Don’t talk over her when she gives her opinion. Let her talk for as long as she wants, and show interest in what she has to say.

Give her a compliment. Giving compliments is a lot trickier than it sounds. You may think “who doesn’t like getting a compliment?” but you should always be respectful of girls when complimenting them. Always complimenting girls on how pretty they are sends the message that you only like them for their looks, and most girls don’t like to be made to feel that way. Compliment her on something she actually had to work for, rather than something she was born with. This might be related to her appearance or not. Compliment her on her hairstyle on a particular day instead of her eyes. Compliment her on an outfit she put together. Tell her you liked her answer to a question in class. Congratulate her for doing well on a test if you see she got a good grade.

Choose the right time for your icebreaker. Don't bother her with questions or favors if you see that she's concentrating on something or she's late and has to run to her next class. If you have a class with her, you're going to see her every day, so wait for a time when she seems relaxed and in a good mood to break the ice with her.

Getting to Know Each Other

Move the conversation away from the classroom. Since you know you have at least your class in common, that’s a great way to start getting to know each other — by talking about the work, the teacher, your classmates, etc. But over time, you want to get to know other parts of each other, too, so talk about things that have nothing to do with class, or even school.

Have a friendly, approachable demeanor. Don’t try too hard to be “cool.” What you think looks “cool” might come off as distant or condescending. It’s much easier for a girl to talk to a guy who’s just being himself — open and honest. Smile and laugh easily — girls love guys who enjoy themselves. Face your body toward her when you’re speaking to her. Don’t be afraid to make eye contact with her when you’re talking.

Find out what she’s interested in. Once you’ve broken the ice, you want to get to know each other. Try to find out what she’s interested in. Ask what her favorite classes are, whether she does any after-school activities, and what she likes to do in her spare time. Try to steer conversations toward topics that interest her. This will make her look forward to talking to you, since she’ll know you enjoy listening to her talk about something she loves.

Share your interests with her. You want her to get to know you, too, so talk about the things that are important to you. If you just let her talk about herself all the time, then eventually, you’ll stop liking her because you’ll feel like the friendship is all about her. It’s important to maintain a balance, so you’re both sharing parts of your life with each other equally. Be open and honest. Don’t just talk about the things you think she wants to hear about — talk about the things that are actually important to you. Use your discretion. There are some things that you shouldn’t talk about with someone you don’t know very well, so start with topics that are harmless and light. Try to keep a balance between how much you talk and how much she talks.

Get to know her friends. The best way to spend time with someone is to have friends in common with her. Hanging out in a group with mutual friends will be less nerve-wracking than talking to each other one-on-one, and you’ll be more relaxed and at ease, making her like you more. People’s friends are very important to them, so she’ll like you more if she sees that you get along with her friends. Talk to her friends even when she’s not around. You don’t want people to think that you’re using them just to get to a girl. Make real friendships with them, not hollow ones. If you like this girl, you’ll probably like the people she chooses to surround herself with, too.

Developing a Good Relationship

Make plans for future conversations. The best way to make sure you’ll get to talk to her again is to make a plan about how you’re going to do it! If you’re talking during a set period of time — lunch break, for example — then you can say that you had something you wanted to tell her that you’ll tell her next time you talk. For example, say “remind me to tell you about what Mr. Smith said in class last week! It was so funny!” Tell her you’ll see her at a different time — for example, “I’ll see you in English,” or “are you eating lunch in the courtyard today?” Ask her if she’ll be at mutual social events: “Are you going to Becky’s party this weekend? I can return your notes then.”

Talk to her outside of the classroom. Sit with her at lunch, or talk to her between classes if you see her hanging out by her locker. The more she sees you and talks to you outside of the classroom context, the more she’ll see you as a friend instead of just as a classmate.

Don’t be over-eager. You want to show interest in her, but you don’t want her to think you’re stalking her! Play it cool — don’t be around every single corner she turns. Try to get into a routine where you talk to her at the same times every day — for example, between two particular classes, or at lunch, or before or after school. That way, you can be confident that you’ll see her every day and not feel like you have to chase her around. From time to time, you might even skip talking to her for a day or two. Give her a little time to miss hanging out with you, and she’ll look forward to your company even more.

Ask for her phone number. When you’re talking to somebody outside of school entirely, you’re on your way to being more than just classmates. However, a good, neutral way to ask for somebody’s number is to say that you want to ask a question about class. Use the number to ask questions about class at first, so she doesn’t feel like you tricked her into giving you her phone number. Send text messages instead of calling her for a conversation. You won’t be as nervous, and she won’t feel as much pressure. After sending a couple texts about homework or due dates, begin sending messages every once in a while about annoying things your parents say, or something funny you saw at the mall.

Ask her to hang out with you outside of school. Depending on how old you are, your parents might not allow you to hang out with girls one-on-one, but you should invite her to hang out in groups with mutual friends. If she’s not close with your group of friends, invite some of her close friends as well. Make sure she feels comfortable accepting your invitation and hanging out. Choose a public place like the mall or the movies. Get some food, like pizza or burgers. Make sure to pay attention to her and talk to her, even though there are other people around.