Doing Things With Him
Find out what makes him feel loved. Everyone shows and receives love differently. Some people place more importance on verbal affirmations and quality time while others want their partner to shower them gifts, physical affection, or small favors. Gauge what kinds things he likes by observing what he asks of you. It may also help to simply ask him if you’re not sure. Make an effort to act accordingly. For example, some men feel loved when you spend time doing activities together like playing basketball or going to a movie. Others feel most loved when you have deep conversations or show affection with hugs and kisses. If you’re not sure, ask. Try saying, “Do you want to play basketball or should we just hang here and talk?” Your boyfriend may be the type that likes to receive gifts. Find small ways to show that you are thinking of him. Try buying him a nice shirt or picking up his favorite candy from the store.
Get physical. Sex is often an important part of a romantic relationship. Men are especially likely to feel loved when the sexual connection is genuine and consistent. Make time to cultivate passionate moments in the bedroom. Think of all the things that attract you to him and fantasize about him. Express your desires when you are alone together. Men usually want to please their significant others in bed. Let him know when you like something that he does between the sheets. Try starting off with things like, “I love it when you…” Avoid criticism. Your boyfriend may feel hurt by any negative comments about his sexual performance. Instead, tell him what he is doing right. EXPERT TIP "Have open and non-defensive conversations about sexual intimacy. It's not about horniness and sex drive, it's about bonding and affection." Elvina Lui, MFT Elvina Lui, MFT Relationship Expert Elvina Lui is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in relationship counseling based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Elvina received her Masters in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and trained under the Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and the New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of counseling experience and is trained in the harm reduction model. Elvina Lui, MFT Elvina Lui, MFTRelationship Expert
Go on dates. Keep your relationship thriving by going out to do something that you both enjoy. Explore your common interests as pair. Doing things outside of your daily routine will keep your relationship alive and evolving. Go out for a nice dinner, see a movie, or check out a new museum. Keep it romantic. Go the extra mile to make a reservation at his favorite restaurant, dress nicely, or hold his hand. These kinds of small gestures are thoughtful and affectionate ways to show that you want him to feel loved.
Doing Things for Him
Anticipate his needs. Get to know what your boyfriend likes and dislikes so that you can be more attentive to his needs. You can do this in little ways that will show him you are thinking of him. For example, you might ask him about how a big meeting went at work and have a bottle of his favorite wine ready when he gets home. Or, if you know that he does not like birthday parties, then you might plan something low key to do on his birthday, like going to see a movie or checking out a new restaurant together. Try to think about what would be the best way to anticipate your boyfriend’s needs in everyday situations and for special occasions. EXPERT TIP Elvina Lui, MFT Elvina Lui, MFT Relationship Expert Elvina Lui is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in relationship counseling based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Elvina received her Masters in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and trained under the Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and the New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of counseling experience and is trained in the harm reduction model. Elvina Lui, MFT Elvina Lui, MFT Relationship Expert Consider needs both big and small. Elvina Lui, Marriage and Family Therapist advises: "Show him you are attention to his physical needs, especially hunger, but also his need for space. It is instinctual for most females to be nurturing, but if this isn't obvious to you, he might really appreciate if you are mindful of his hunger or his need to veg out. His need for space should be balanced with your need for his time, neither of these should be ignored."
Compliment him. Everyone likes to feel attractive and special. Tell your boyfriend about the things you like about him. Comment on his physique, his skills, or his intelligence. Make your compliments sincere. If he’s wearing a shirt that looks great on him, for example, touch his shoulder and say, “You look so hot in that shirt.”
Dress up. Show your boyfriend that you want to look good for him. Wear something that you know he likes. Wear a cute pair of jeans you when you go out for dinner, or spend a little extra time grooming before you meet up with him.
Buy or make him something. You don’t need to spend a lot of money to show that you care about someone. A small gift simply shows that you were thinking of him. Don’t go over the top, but look out for ways to give him things that he likes. For example, if you happen to be on a trip, bring him back a souvenir. If you go to the store, bring him his favorite bag of chips. Give things that don’t cost money. If you know that he is interested in a certain type of music, for example, make him a playlist or send him a music video. Thoughtful gifts will show him that you really know and care for him as a person.
Offer to help him with his daily activities. A busy work or school life can be overwhelming and stressful. Offer to help your boyfriend with the little things he may not have time to do during the day, or simply help him do something just for the fun of it. Offering to help shows that you support him and his goals. Help him finish an assignment for a subject you happen to be good at. If he's working, try packing his lunch for the next work day or give him a massage when he comes home.
Treating Him Well
Express your appreciation. Saying thank you and finding other ways to let your boyfriend know that you appreciate him will help to make your boyfriend feel loved and appreciated. Try to thank him or let him know that you appreciated something he did on a daily basis. For example, you might say something like, “Thank you for doing the dishes! I was really overwhelmed by work and I appreciate that so much.” Or, if he opens a door for you, then you can simply say, “Thank you!”
Hug and kiss him. Give him a hug and a peck on the cheek when you see him. Do the same when you part, and whenever you feel the urge to feel close to him. Try a long hug for extra closeness. Embrace him and count to seven. It may feel like a long time, but it feels good to get a loving hug from someone you care about.
Tell him you love him. The quickest way to communicate that you love him is to tell him! Even if you’ve already said it once, it doesn’t hurt repeat yourself when you feel the urge to do so. Look him in the eye and tell him how you feel.
Give him space. Spending time with your boyfriend can be exciting, to say the least. Still, it is important to have time apart. You don’t need to spend every moment with him to show that you love him. Keep doing the activities you love to do, and let him do the same. Remember that you both had separate lives before you met. He probably fell in love with you because of who you are as an individual. Keep developing into the person you want to be. Let him go out with his friends while you do your own thing. This shows that you trust him and support his other relationships. Group dates are fun, but quality time with friends (without your significant other) is healthy too.
Communicate with him when you’re not together. Send him a text or an email update when you are apart. Let him know that you are thinking about him by maintaining communication. Even if you see each other often, send him a text to check in and see how he’s doing. Maintain contact if you are apart for a long time. Maybe he’s going on a trip, or you have to visit family for a few weeks. Stay in contact. Send pictures, give him updates on your life, and let him know that you miss him!
Listen to him. Everyone has opinions, hopes, and fears. No matter what it is, listen to him and try to understand whatever he is going through. Show that you are actively listening to him by reflecting on what he has told you without judgment. Lending an ear shows that you are willing to be supportive. Look him in the eye and nod your head to show that you hear him. Repeat back information to clarify or confirm what you heard.
Be understanding. Everyone has moments when they feel down. Whether it is stress from work or sadness about something that’s gone wrong, we all go through difficult times. Be understanding and supportive of your boyfriend if he is going through something difficult. Be patient. If he is feeling moody or argumentative, take a deep breath and let the small things go. You don’t have to let him walk all over you, but give him some time to cool down from the things that are bothering him. Let him know that you are there to help. He may make it clear that he wants to be alone or needs someone to talk to. Feel out the situation, or ask him if you are not sure. Try saying, “I'm here to talk whenever you want.” Reader Poll: We asked 409 wikiHow readers to tell us what they would do to help a man in their life relax when he's feeling stressed, and 59% agreed that taking him for a walk is the best thing you can do to show him love and support. [Take Poll]
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