How to Celebrate a Lost Loved One's Life

Planning a Celebration of Life Service

Include decorations that are meaningful. Many people choose to do a memory table. You can place items and pictures that represent important moments in your lost loved one’s life on this table. Others choose to do a memory slideshow where pictures scroll on a screen throughout the celebration. Aside from a slideshow or memory table, you could decorate with pictures from the person’s life, keepsakes that they cherished, or other items that reflect the life of your loved one.

Have mementos to take away. Have small tokens placed out where guests can take one. Make sure it is small enough to keep in a pocket or purse. When the guest carries the token with them, they will encounter it throughout their day (like when they reach in their purse) and remember your loved one. A coin of some kind or a small bead chain would make great take aways.

Offer guests a private way to share their memories. A collection of memories can add substance to the celebration, and allow guests to share their favorite memories with your loved one. That said, some guests may not be comfortable sharing their stories in front of everyone. Have a journal out so that each guest can write something in it to contribute to the memory of your loved one. Another great idea for sharing memories is to have a memory jar and notecards out. The guests write their memories on a notecard and place them into the jar.

Remember to keep it child friendly. It is important to allow people to grieve in whatever way is culturally acceptable. However, some extreme forms of grieving might frighten young children, such as sobbing or screaming. If you are worried about children being frightened by these displays of grief, then you may want to prepare a separate room or space for any children who will be in attendance. You can provide things like games, coloring books and crayons, and toys for the children to enjoy. Another part of staying child friendly is to avoid the irresponsible use of alcohol. While it is acceptable to have alcohol at the event (if you prefer), no one should be permitted to drink so much that they lose their sense of reservation. Also, anyone who is driving (especially with children in the car) should not consume alcohol.

Keep the celebration upbeat. This type of celebration is meant to complement or replace a traditional funeral where the grieving process is generally consumed with sorrow for the death of a loved one. While a celebration of life is still a way to grieve, the focus should be on the happy moments of your loved one’s life instead of the painful moments after their passing. To keep things upbeat, include their favorite music, or music that reminds you of them. You also might consider having a dance floor or other ways to keep people moving about.

Include any special requests your loved one may have had prior to passing. People often express some preference as to how they would like to be remembered when they pass. Make a genuine effort to honor these preferences during the celebration of life. It will make the celebration more meaningful and reflective of the life your loved one lived, For example, your loved one might have expressed wanting a ceremony in the woods. In this case, you could hold the celebration of life out in nature, or if the weather is too cold, in a lodge or cabin surrounded by woods.

Including Others in the Celebration

Make a guest list. Starting with the guest list can give you a good idea of what the celebration will look like. Write down the name of anyone you can think of that might want to attend. Anytime you think of a new name, write it on the list. You can reach out to these guests as you plan the next stages of the celebration.

Choose a date. Here is the first place your guest list can come in handy. Contact guests on the list, especially those who were particularly close to your loved one, and ask them for dates that they could possibly attend. This is especially important for guests that will be traveling long distances. A great way to do this is to get everyone’s email address and send out a poll (e.g. Doodle Poll) that gives guests an array of possible dates. Each guest can select any of the dates that they can attend, and you can set a date based on the results.

Find a venue. Your venue will also be dictated by your guests. Obviously, you need to select a venue that is large enough to house all of your guests, but you should also consider things such as handicap accessibility and how child friendly your venue is before deciding. You can also make a shortlist of venues that would serve the celebration well, and ask your guests for their input. Some possible venues include churches, schools, outdoor spaces (parks, campgrounds, etc.), and a host of other unique spots that might house a special celebration.

Create an order of events. One of the perks to a celebration of life is that it is free flowing. That said, you can make things go much smoother by having some agenda made. Send this agenda to all guests ahead of time, or hand it out as guests arrive. The order of events should include things like: When does the celebration start? When will each speaker speak? When will food be served? When will any other special events take place? When is the celebration set to end?

Ask close friends or relatives of the loved one to speak. Not all celebrations will have formal speakers. If you do want guests to speak, you should ask them ahead of time so that they have time to prepare something to say. If someone prefers not to speak, remember that many people are fearful of public speaking, especially in such an emotional setting.

Take food orders. If there will be multiple food options, an RSVP can help you determine how many of each option will need to be prepared. Another common way to hold a celebration of life is to ask guests to bring specific dishes, such as salad or pie. These special dishes often reflect the favorite foods of the loved one who has passed. For an even more free flowing event, you could request that each guest bring a dish for a potluck at the celebration. You can also ask guests to bring drinks, plates, napkins, etc. It is not necessary to serve food at the celebration, but you should make it clear to guests that they need to eat before they arrive.

Be open to suggestions when they are offered. As you plan the event, others may offer advice or suggestions. You are not obligated to change the celebration multiple times at every guest’s request, but be open to good ideas that can make the celebration more meaningful. After all, many of your guests were close to your loved one as well and can offer great insight into their life. For example, if someone were to suggest hanging pictures from your loved one’s favorite art collection during the celebration, you could acknowledge that as a good idea and incorporate it into the celebration.

Celebrating Your Loved One Privately

Keep pictures of them out in the open. Keeping pictures in a photo album is a great way to preserve the memory of a person, but it does not stand out on a day to day basis. One way to celebrate a person’s life in the comfort of your home is to hang pictures that remind you of them. You can hang a picture of the person, or even a picture of something they loved. For example, you could hang a picture of the person’s favorite scenery, or their most cherished piece of artwork.

Dedicate a space to their favorite belongings. By creating a small space in your home to keep some of your loved one’s favorite belongings, you will be celebrating the things in life that they cherished. For example, you could clear off one shelf of your book shelf to keep their favorite books. This gesture can even be as simple as keeping their favorite coffee mug in the kitchen or dining area. If you don't have anything that belonged to the person, try keeping fresh flowers or lighting a candle each day as a way to celebrate their life.

Preserve something special that they did. Some people paint masterpieces in their lifetimes, others build beautiful things. What all people have in common is that they express themselves in some way, and it touches the people close to them. Save something that your loved one created in their life that was significant to you, even if it is as simple as a handwritten note that says “I love you.” Sometimes the things they created might not be durable (e.g. a handwritten note), but you can have these things preserved in other ways. For a note, you could scan it to the computer and have a digital copy. The digital copy could even be used for engraving or reprinting onto a more permanent surface like metal or glass. If you and your loved one shared a special activity, like riding horses, try including someone else the next time you do that thing. That way, you can honor the person who passed, but you'll be creating new memories at the same time.

Plant or build something to remind you of them. Build a small monument to honor your loved one. This could something as simple as a bench outside, or a rocking chair inside. You can also choose to plant a tree or flower that reminds you of your loved one. This way, there will always be something to remind you of them.

Share your memories with others. Another way to honor your loved ones is to talk about them. Share their stories and memories with other people who knew them. You can even utilize the internet to create a page in remembrance of your loved one. Another great way to share stories is to use social media. Posting about your loved one and asking others to share their stories can involve many people in the conversation and capture a wide variety of memories. If you're having trouble managing your grief on your own, consider joining a local support group for people who've lost a loved one. You might also meet with a therapist if the person's passing was especially traumatic for you in some way.

Try choosing a day to celebrate the person each year. Choosing a specific day to celebrate the person may help. This will allow you to treat the day like a holiday for that person and focus on what they meant to you. Try celebrating the person's life on a significant day, such as the person's birthday or on an anniversary.