Most people will get into a romantic relationship at some point in their life. Healthy relationships can provide love, safety, trust, and comfort to each party, and can serve a crucial role in the personal growth of the individuals. However, building and maintaining a healthy relationship takes work. One can knowingly or unknowingly indulge in behaviours that can hamper their own and their partner’s growth in the long term, and can also destabilise the relationship. It is important to identify things that are clear red flags and should not be done in any relationship.
Physical or Emotional Abuse
Having fights and disagreements are normal in a relationship. However, losing control and resorting to violence is unacceptable. It violates the physical integrity of a person, snatches their sense of safety, security, and trust, and often leaves the victim traumatised. The same goes for mental and emotional abuse, which includes insulting or undervaluing the partner. It destroys their self-esteem and turns the relationship sour.
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Holding grudges
In a relationship, when you hold a grudge, it breeds pain, anger, and negativity. Holding a grudge may also consciously or subconsciously show up as ill-will towards your partner. It is also likely to keep you from moving on. Holding grudges could lead to a sense of disconnection, depression, anxiety, and anger management issues. To keep from becoming bitter over hurtful happenings or behaviour, it is important to discuss your feelings and emotions and express your needs in a relationship.
Comparing
Comparing your present relationship or partner with a previous one or to someone else’s relationship can result in your partner feeling worthless or replaceable. Often, comparisons only draw attention to what more your partner can do for you, or how worse off they are in relation to someone else. It can lead to unrealistic expectations, a feeling of bitterness, and moves focus away from the good aspects of the relationship.
Snooping
Snooping refers to checking your partner’s phone, texts, or other devices without their knowledge. This is a violation of your partner’s privacy, and displays a lack of faith in them. Snooping can breed paranoia and anxiety in you and your partner, sometimes even seriously hampering the communication process that exists between you. The chance of misunderstandings (due to lack of context) is also high.
Controlling
Controlling behaviour, such as restricting certain manners, clothing choices, and even people your partner interacts with, takes away from their agency, making them feel suffocated. A relationship, ideally, should enhance a sense of freedom, not shun it.
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