- A work husband is a co-worker who you have a close, platonic relationship with. Like an actual spouse, they're sort of your rock—but only in work environments.
- Having a work husband can improve your happiness and productivity at work, as well as encourage you to be your best self.
- If you have a real partner as well, it's important to respect their feelings about your work spouse. Otherwise, your work friendship could cause issues.
What is a work husband?
A work husband is a coworker you're really close to. While this is usually a platonic relationship, it's extremely close and loyal in a way that work friendships typically aren't. The two of you are very close in a lot of the ways you would be with a spouse (in that you support each other, offer advice, etc.), but there's no romance or physical intimacy. As long as you don't cross lines at work and your actual partner (if you have one) feels comfortable, there's nothing wrong with this kind of close friendship. A lot of people with work spouses feel like they're the only person at work they can truly be themselves around. Much like an actual marriage, the work-spouse relationship is different from other work friendships—it's a lot closer and more supportive.
Benefits of Having a Work Spouse
The relationship makes work spouses more productive. Because of their close relationship, work spouses tend to bring out the best in each other. This helps them get more done at work. It also encourages them to put in their best efforts on projects—especially those where they're teaming up with their work spouse.
Work spouses are more open with each other about their frustrations. Work spouses feel like they can be 100% open and honest with each other. Since they already understand the work environment, coworkers, and the dynamics at play, they're great to commiserate about work issues with. This relationship provides the opportunity to get right into an issue without having to provide a lot of background or explanation. When work spouses can openly vent to each other about their frustrations, it's easier to let go of issues quickly and focus on work. Many people with work-spouse relationships highlight the fact that their work spouse is someone they can confide in and know that what was said was just between the two of them.
The work-spouse relationship can improve actual marriages. Because work spouses talk about work issues with each other, they aren't bringing those problems and issues home. That can lead to a better work-life balance that actually frees them up to have a better relationship at home with their actual spouses. A work-spouse relationship also enhances general well-being, which helps people in this relationship feel more balanced and happy at home.
Work spouses are generally happier at work. Work spouses look forward to being at work and seeing each other. Even on tough days, they know they can lean on each other for support. Their genuine bond also ensures they have more fun at work.
The relationship can foster self-improvement and personal growth. The work-spouse relationship fosters a level of openness and vulnerability that helps both people identify issues in their own lives. A work spouse's support provides a strong foundation that encourages self-improvement.
Downsides of a Work-Spouse Relationship
A work spouse can threaten actual spousal relations. Since people crave novelty, the thrill of a new, close relationship can make them start thinking that their relationship with their spouse isn't as great as they originally thought. Work spouses don't have the same history as actual spouses do, which makes the relationship feel fresh and simple rather than complex. Over time, work spouses can feel as though they're closer to each other than they are to their actual spouse. Work spouses can avoid this threat by remembering that their relationship is newer and they don't have to deal with the same issues that are present with their actual spouses. The work-spouse relationship also has a huge fantasy element to it. An actual spouse might feel "same old, same old" in comparison, but that's all just an illusion.
Co-workers might become jealous of a work-spouse relationship. This can become a really big problem if one of the work spouses is a higher-up because co-workers might suspect they're playing favorites. Even if both work spouses are at the same level, it's easy for co-workers to feel as though they're being excluded. There's also the possibility that co-workers might feel left out when work spouses go out and do fun things together outside of work and don't invite anyone else.
People might get the wrong idea about the relationship. The typical work-spouse relationship isn't sexual or romantic—but that doesn't stop people from thinking it might be. This is far more likely if the work spouses are naturally physically affectionate people or frequently engage in playful, flirtatious banter around the office. Work spouses can keep the rumors in check by setting hard boundaries about how they interact in the office. If they avoid getting overly personal, people will be less likely to think something's up. Rumors are one thing, but this can be a much bigger deal in a workplace with rules against employee relationships. Work spouses always need to be aware of how they're acting around each other.
Workplace conflicts could become more difficult. With a close personal relationship, it's possible that emotions could run high. Having disagreements can feel more personal when it involves a work spouse as opposed to any other co-worker.
Work-spouse relationships can lead to work divorces. Work divorces are most common when one work spouse leaves to work somewhere else. Because of all the ways work spouses enhance each other's workdays, this can be really difficult. The work spouse who was left behind might not even want to work at the same place anymore once their work spouse is gone. Many people who have work-spouse relationships indicate they would be more likely to quit their job, even if they were otherwise satisfied, if their work spouse left.
Keeping the Peace at Home
Set boundaries with your work spouse. Strong boundaries can help set your actual spouse at ease. At a minimum, don't say or do things with your work spouse that you wouldn't say or do if your actual spouse was there with you. Avoid anything that could make it seem as though you have a romantic or sexual attraction to your work spouse. Be clear with your actual spouse about the boundaries you've set with your work spouse and that will help set them at ease. For example, you might say, "I want you to know I would never say anything to him that I wouldn't say if you were sitting right next to me."
Avoid using the term "work husband" or "work spouse." Even though these are really common terms, they're still pretty loaded and can make your actual spouse jealous. Explain that you're really just talking about a super-close friendship and ask your spouse if there's another term they'd prefer that you use.
Introduce your work spouse to your family. Your spouse is less likely to feel threatened by your relationship with your work spouse if everyone knows each other. It's even possible that your spouse and your work spouse will become friends as well! Even if they don't necessarily like each other, it helps calm things down if the two of them know each other and you're not keeping them separate.
Listen to and validate your spouse's feelings. It's important that your spouse feels heard in this situation. They're going to be really upset if you carry on with a relationship that they've told you makes them uncomfortable. Let your spouse know that you understand how they feel and don't get defensive or dismiss their feelings.
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