Catching Her Eye
Approach the woman as soon as you can. You don't have to run up to the woman the second she walks into the room or you may look over-eager, but you should try to talk to her soon after you lock eyes. Look at her, hold her gaze for a second, and then just walk right up to her. Sound easy? It's not -- not at first, anyway. But the sooner you get into the habit of acting like it's no big deal to talk to a girl you see, the sooner it'll become a habit. Sure, you may strike out sometimes, but she'll be impressed that you can see her and just walk right up to her instead of playing eye contact tag all night. Take a deep breath, maintain good posture, and hold her gaze as you walk up to her. It's all about mastering the confidence. If she sees that you're confident about approaching, she'll be more likely to want to get to know you. Think about it: what's the worst that can happen? The woman could reject you or she might have a boyfriend. Does that sound like the end of the world?
Don't put too much stock in having the perfect opening line. A lot of guys are afraid of approaching women because they just can't think of what to say first. How about, "Hi, I'm Mark -- what's your name?" The girl will actually be more likely to be wooed and impressed by your ability to act casual and natural instead of you trying too hard to impress her with an elaborate pick up line or an overly-clever comment. Treat it like any other conversation -- except that this one has romantic possibilities. Look her in the eye, tell her who you are, and ask her name. If she's with friends, talk to them too, and don't make them feel left out. EXPERT TIP Sarah Schewitz, PsyD Sarah Schewitz, PsyD Licensed Psychologist Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships. Sarah Schewitz, PsyD Sarah Schewitz, PsyD Licensed Psychologist Try using a compliment to strike up a conversation. Love and relationship psychologist Dr. Sarah Schewitz says: "You don't have to say something spectacular—just say hi, or you make a comment about whatever she's doing. You can also compliment her, but avoid anything that could be taken as sexual. Try saying something like, "You have a great smile," or "I love that outfit."
Break the touch barrier. Once you and the girl start talking, you should try to touch her when the time is right. The sooner you can get yourself out of the Friend Zone and establish that you have a romantic connection, the better. If things are going well, lightly tap the girl's knee, touch her arm, or give her a playful touch on the shoulder. Keep it light and fun, or she may get turned off if you're moving too fast. Try moving a bit closer to her and see how she responds. If she doesn't pull back, then it's likely she's into you.
Keep things playful. Save all the serious talk for later. If you want to really woo a woman, then you have to keep things fun and light. To be playful, just don't take yourself or your conversation too seriously. Crack jokes. Tease her. Make everything feel lighthearted and stick to fun and easy topics, like your pets, a concert you went to, a ridiculous celebrity scandal in the news, or just anything fun and breezy. This doesn't mean you have to stop being yourself to act like a "chill" guy, but it does mean you should avoid the serious stuff off the bat.
Don't treat it like an interview. Though girls like to be asked questions because it shows an interest in them (more on that later), don't immediately start asking the girl a million questions or she'll feel like she has all the pressure to keep the conversation going. You're supposed to be wooing her, not the other way around. Your rule of thumb should be not to ask more than two questions in a row. You're supposed to be wowing her with your conversational abilities, not making her pick up all the slack. Many people like to ask a ton of questions to immediately search for common ground, panicking that they will have nothing to talk about. Well, don't worry so much about having things in common -- work on getting the attraction going first. After that, your common interests will come up naturally.
Don't tell her everything at first. If you want the girl to be interested in you, then you can't tell her the 50 most interesting things about yourself in the first 5 minutes of the conversation. Make her work for it. Don't be an open book, or she'll think that it's easy for anyone at all to find out everything about you. If you wait to dole out the important things about yourself, she'll feel more special and privileged when you do. Sure, you can talk a bit about your friends and family, but don't tell her all about your biggest regret, your dreams for the future, or your most traumatic childhood moment. If you keep things a little mysterious, she'll only want to see you more.
Keeping Her Interest
Give her a sincere compliment. If you want the girl to feel wooed and to stay interested, then, well, you have to let her know how you feel about her -- at least, a little bit. When the moment is right, give her a sincere compliment that makes her see that you're really paying attention. Make it specific, and don't just focus on her appearance. She'll be really impressed by your ability to find what's special about her, whether you're complimenting her personality or something else that makes her special. Here are some things you can say: "You're so easy to talk to. I feel like I can say anything to you." "You're really good at making people feel comfortable right away. How do you do that?" "You have the most amazing laugh I've ever heard. Wow."
Find common ground. Once you've gotten to know each other a bit and the girl is starting to feel properly wooed, you can start to dig deeper to find things you have in common. Let it arise naturally in the conversation. If she mentions where she's from, you can ask if she likes the baseball team from her city; don't force it. Once you find some things you have in common, the woman will feel more connected with you. Here are some places where you can find common ground: Sports teams Travel experiences Hobbies Passions Family Pets
Show that you can laugh at yourself. If you want the girl to feel wooed, then she can't feel like you take yourself too seriously. Make a joke at your own expense and show that you're aware that you're not the world's most perfect man. She'll really appreciate that you're lighthearted enough to have a good time instead of worrying about impressing her every five seconds. It'll take the pressure off, and she'll be even more charmed by you. This doesn't mean you should make a million self-deprecating comments. You don't want her to feel like you have low confidence.
Tease her. Once you're comfortable with each other, you can begin to tease the girl a bit. Make her feel like you're just having a good time and not trying too hard to impress her. This doesn't mean you shouldn't still be nice to her, but you can poke fun at her, too, if you don't offend her and go about it the right way. Just be playful and light. Tease her for wearing pink. Make fun of her funky boots while making it clear you actually like them. Laugh at her obsession over her two cats. As long as you're both teasing each other, this will help you win the woman over. Don't let it get too one-sided.
Be a flirt. To woo a woman, you have to know how to flirt with her. This goes along with teasing her and being playful. Look her in the eyes, smile at her, and look away occasionally. Give her a playful tap on the arm. Tease each other. Look into her eyes as you laugh. Joke around with her and don't be too obvious about how much you like her -- while letting her see that you have fun with her. Don't be nervous about trying to flirt. The more you try it, the more natural it will feel.
Open up a bit. If you want to keep the girl interested, then you have to let her know she's special. Once you're talking for a bit, open up to her just enough so that she feels like you think she's different from other girls. Tell her about how much you love your little brother. Reveal a silly childhood memory if it comes up. Don't say anything too deep, of course, but just give her something you wouldn't tell somebody who you just met. This will make the girl feel like you realize that she's special. You can even say something like, "I've never told that to anyone before" or "I haven't thought about that in a long time…"
Taking It to the Next Level
Take her out. To really woo a woman, you have to be able to show her a good time. Take her out in style, not just to the bowling alley. Pick her up, be on time, and plan something fun and exciting for you to do together. Go for a run together. Check out the new farmer's market and then cook a meal from the food you got at home. Go see a 3-D movie and then hit up a hookah lounge. Find something fun and unique that makes the girl feel special and like you actually put some effort into the date. Pick a place where you'll need to make some reservations. She'll see that you actually put some thought into this one.
Be a gentleman. If you really want to woo a woman, then you have to put on your gentleman hat. Hold doors open for her. Let her walk in front of you when you walk into a building. Avoid being overly vulgar. Have stellar manners. Do what you can to make her feel like a true lady without acting too old-fashioned. If you're walking down the street, walk on the side nearest the street. Don't show up late. It's not about acting like a false version of yourself -- it's about making her feel like you've put time and care into your time together. Part of this means that you should mind your appearance, too. Put in an effort to how you look, if you want the girl to feel like you care. Show her that you're a gentleman to everyone by holding doors open for the people walking behind you, treating cashiers and waiters with respect, and otherwise minding your manners. While you want to make her feel special, you should also let her see that your good behavior is more than just an act you put on for her benefit.
Charm her. If you want to woo a woman, then you have to be able to charm her. Being charming means being able to show a real interest in people while making them laugh, feel lighthearted, and feel swept off their feet. If you want to charm the woman, then you have to work hard to make her happy, keep things interesting, and to show that you really care about what she's thinking. Start dancing with her in the street. Bring her a hand-picked bouquet of flowers. Find a cute nickname for her. Do whatever you can to make her feel charmed and special.
Be affectionate. If you want to woo a woman, then you've got to give her a healthy dose of affection. This means you should put your arm around her, give her kisses from time to time (if you're at that point), and hold or squeeze her hand when the time is right. This does not mean that you should be all over her every time that you're together, but it does mean that you should find key moments to let her know that you care. If you're at that level, you can even do some cuddling or snuggling!
Listen to her. If you really want to woo a woman, then you have to take the time to listen to what she has to say. Don't just zone out whenever she talks, waiting for your moment to say something. Make sure you really hear what she's saying, that you make eye contact and pay attention when she talks to you, and that you respond appropriately when the time calls for it. Most guys could use some improvement in the listening department, and she'll be impressed by your ability to really care about what she has to say. Don't try to solve her problems. She may just want someone to listen, not for someone to think he knows what's best for her. Remember what she tells you so you can bring it up later in the conversation -- or even the next day. She will be very impressed.
Make her feel special. If you want to woo a woman, then you have to make her feel like she's the only woman in the world. Show her that you recognize what makes her unique and that you care about her as a person, not just as arm candy. Here are some ways to really make her feel special: Write her a loving letter just because you feel like it. Tell her why she's not like other girls. Give her a little gift even if there's no special occasion. Do her a favor when she's having a busy week. Ask her opinion about something you want to do. Show an interest in her life and ask her lost of questions about it. Take her dancing, or do something else with her that she's always wanted to do.
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