How to Make Others Be Quiet

Negotiating Quiet in Public Places

Use non-verbal cues to communicate your wishes. Most people know the universal signs for telling someone to be quiet. They include: putting your finger in front of your mouth, or holding one or both hands out in front of you and motioning them downward. Once you make eye contact with a person, try one out. They are effective and require a minimal amount of effort and will avoid unwanted confrontation.

Ask politely then move seats at movie theaters. You’ve paid for your ticket, found a seat and the lights go out. The reminders to be quiet play on the screen, but there are people who disregard them. Anytime you choose to ask a person to be quiet, you have a 50-50 chance of succeeding. An anonymous, “Shhh” is always a quick fix. Using this tactic in a darkened movie theater will likely keep you safe from a confrontation. The person will not know who did it. Hopefully the person will think it represents what the entire crowd wants and he will succumb to peer pressure. If the theatre is full, politely ask the person, “Is there any way you could either talk softer or not at all while the movie is playing? We would all appreciate it.” Then say to the others sitting around you, “Wouldn’t we?” Hopefully the people sitting by you will support your efforts and desire for a quiet movie theater. If the theater isn’t full, then move to another seat. Again, it’s not worth getting into a conflict with someone.

Create a peaceful seating area on an airplane. If your goal is to have quiet on an airplane, you must be ready to make your own silence. Being in ever-shrinking close quarters sitting next to people you don’t know for an extended period of time, calls for quiet conditions. There are subtle and not so subtle ways to ensure a quiet trip. Closing your eyes while in your seat will stop others from talking to you and you can get the quiet you desire. Use earplugs or listening devices and plug them into a laptop, phone, or the earphone jack provided in the armrest of your seat. Focus your eyes on a magazine or book. It will send a message that you want to be left alone to read.

Ask for peace so you can heal at hospitals. Ironically, the noise in hospitals is not conducive to healing. Sick and ailing people, their family members and an orchestra of beeps make it very difficult to get the rest and quiet that you need. Luckily, there are a few things you can do. Shut your door. Ask the nurse to tell the people visiting your roommate to be quiet. Make sure you have someone with you during your stay at the hospital who can act as an advocate for you. If you are at the hospital and you are in a two-bed room and the other person has a steady stream of visitors, ask for a new room. Ask for a private room. If you know you need quiet, ask your doctor before entering the hospital to order a private room. Your insurance may or may not cover the cost.

Quiet a cough at a stage play. An announcement is always made prior to the beginning of a play reminding everyone to turn cell phones off, and unwrap noisy candy wrappers out of respect for the actors performing on stage. You graciously follow the rules while others may not. If a person is coughing, she may need to unwrap a cough lozenge to quiet the cough. The temporary crinkling noise of a wrapper is much easier to tolerate than a repeated cough. Always bring a few cough drops with you in case you need one, or you need to give one to someone. There are times when even you need to make yourself be quiet.

Pick the right pew at church. There is a reason the babies and their parents sit in the back of the building at church. They want to keep the noise away from the person at the pulpit. Occupy seats in the front of the chapel if you want a more serene experience. There still may be people sitting behind or near you that need a reminder to be quiet. Assertive body language and a look of concern aimed at someone making unwanted noise at church might be enough to quiet the person. Quiet is easily restored as there is a high level of expectation for reverent behavior at church.

Generating Quiet at School

Lead by example in class. Teachers have a tough time managing the classroom, and they need all the help they can get from students. Noise disruptions in class can take away valuable learning opportunities from you and the entire class. Maintaining a peaceful classroom environment is a key to learning, and you can help. Listen and don’t speak out of turn. Ask permission to speak by raising your hand. This will show others in class the standard of respectable behavior. Show your leadership abilities. If a student continually creates noise and disrupts class, raise your hand, and once the teacher calls on you to speak say, “I’d like to ask the class how many people want to learn something today? How many of us are willing to give up our education so _____ can make noise? How many of you think this person is going to care about you when test time comes and your grade goes down because the questions you will get wrong will be based on the information we are covering right now? How many of us are willing to ask _____ to cooperate with all of us and be quiet?”

Bring noise-managing devices with you. The only way to guarantee that you will have the quiet you need is to create it yourself. There are times when it is not feasible to make others be quiet. Therefore, always be prepared to create your own sound-sensitive environment. Earplugs will cancel out most noise. Always keep a pair plus a spare in your backpack, book bag or purse. Use your headphones to plug into your smartphone to listen to low-volume music. Make sure this is approved of by the instructor if you are in class. Download an app to listen to ambient noise that will drown out voices and may even increase your creativity.

Encourage others to respect library rules. As learning institutions expand their libraries to include media centers, everyone on campus knows the library is one place you can go to get connected and to find quiet. Most people respect the rules and maintain quiet. Unfortunately, there are times when other students will create unwanted noise. There can be movies, interactive storytimes, and town hall meetings in a library. But many public and most academic libraries have quiet areas that you can use if you want a place to study. Saying, “Shhh” will quiet others most of the time. If you “Shhh” a small group three times and they continue to make noise, find a library staff member and tell him. Let the staff member enforce the rules of the library. Avoid creating conflict with someone. It will interfere with your studying and waste your valuable time.

Attend sporting events that aren’t too loud. Chances are if you go to a basketball, soccer, baseball or football game, you aren't looking for a quiet place to be. However, if you attend a tennis or golf match, the rules of conduct work in your favor. Longstanding rules at golf and tennis matches require you to be quiet. Ushers will remind anyone who is making unwanted noise to be quiet. You will be warned and then asked to leave. If you find yourself at a noisy sporting event and someone behind, or around you, has a horn, a louder than normal voice, or she’s a screamer, politely turn to the person, smile and say, “This is such a great game. Is there any way you can turn the volume down just a little?” If they agree, you have succeeded. If they don’t, you may have to move seats. It’s not worth getting into a conflict. Be mindful of people drinking alcohol. As people consume more alcohol, the probability of them being quiet decreases. Unfortunately, the likelihood of aggression increases as well. If you are going to ask a person to be quiet, do it early in the game.

Fostering Quiet at Home

Use your behavior to influence your siblings’ behaviors. If you are the oldest, the youngest, or the middle-born child, there are ways to create the quiet you want at home. Most homes have house rules for homework and bedtime. Use these to your advantage. When you respectfully observe study time and bedtime, your parents will commend you on your behavior and your siblings will likely follow your lead. Use positive reinforcement with your siblings to create more quiet time. For example, offer your sister something of value in exchange for her silence. If she likes your skateboard, let her ride it for an hour. If you need more quiet time, ask your parents to institute additional study time.

Accept babies for who they are. There are times when it is nearly impossible to get someone to quiet down. If there is a baby in your house, you will be challenged at times to find a quiet place. It may be emotionally challenging, but it is still possible. Try the go-to basics to quiet a baby: feed him, change his diaper, help him go to sleep. The baby will likely quiet down with one, two or all three. If you are the one responsible for the baby, carve out some quiet time for yourself when the baby is napping. If the baby is your brother or sister, go to your bedroom and close the door. The transition to having a new sibling can be hard. Find things to do in your room like listening to music on your headphones. Babies will be babies, so your best chance to find a quiet space is to leave the house. Going to the backyard, front yard, or to a friend’s house are all good options.

Negotiate with your parents. You might want to sleep in on the weekend, but your parents have other ideas. If the vacuum or lawn mower wakes you up, you are not going to be happy. Although it isn’t a pleasant way to start your day, there are ways to get your parents to be quiet. Your parents’ efforts to discipline you, and communicate with you can be very beneficial to your development. Politely approach your parent and ask, “Is there any way you could wait an hour so I can sleep a little longer? My week was exhausting.” Put your pillow over your ears and try to drown out the noise. Helping your parents can be used like money to get the quiet you want. Offer to help clean the garage, dust the house, or put away groceries if they lower the volume and let you sleep. Your parents are constantly looking for ways to motivate you. You can help that process along and find some quiet for yourself.

Serve as your own mediator with your neighbors. You might live in an apartment, condominium or single family home, which means you’ve got neighbors. The closer you live to your neighbors, the more upsetting it can be if noise is a problem. If a neighbor decides to disturb your peace, you can find a way to restore it. Many times a noise disruption will be short, so waiting for the quiet to return is a reasonable option. If you work at home, and the neighbor decides to take up playing the drums in a band, you can go to his house and say, “Hi, I work at home and I was wondering if you were going to keep to a certain schedule for your drum playing.” This will provide a lead into a peaceful resolution. Every city has noise ordinances. If there is construction noise, or parties going on during hours outside the time allotments, contact the police. Exercise tolerance when it comes to parties. If the neighbor warned you about the party and it’s a special occasion, you should allow the celebration to go on to a reasonable hour. It is important to get along with your neighbors to preserve peace in your neighborhood for the future.