How to Maintain a Low Profile

Going Unnoticed at School or Work

Observe the environment. Learn the culture and how things operate. Pay attention to how people act and the relationships between them. What do people wear? Are they serious or playful? Is it a quiet environment or is it lively? Once you understand how things work, you can adjust your behavior. For example, if you find the people who tend to gossip or are high profile, you can avoid those people or limit your interactions with them. Observation is especially important if you are new to a place. You can then adjust your behavior based on what you observe.

Do not self-promote. If you do well on a homework assignment or a project, do not tell anyone else. Only speak about it if someone else brings it up. Your accomplishments may go unnoticed, and you will not have to talk about them. Letting your work speak for itself also makes you appear humble and non-threatening. If people do not know what you are capable of, they will not expect much and pay less attention to you.

Avoid flashy clothes. If possible, dress like the other people in your environment. You may have to adjust your style a little bit. Dressing outside of the norm will draw unwanted attention. Wear simple, subdued colors. Stay away from bright colors and patterns. Keep your jewelry and accessories to a minimum.

Work alone. As much as possible, work alone instead of in a group. Working alone shows others that you are self-reliant and do not need a lot of help. On the other hand, be sure to reach out to others when you need help and be a team player when you are asked to. Being too independent can also make you stand out. Working alone also teaches you to be self-motivated. People may notice that you like working alone and will let you work in peace without interruptions.

Be social. Making small talk and interacting with others is typical workplace/school behavior. If you go throughout the day and never talk to anyone, you will look suspicious. Take a few minutes and talk to people at the beginning of the day. This shows that you are taking the time to build relationships. Socialize with a wide range of people at school/work, while reserving nights and weekends for close friends and family. Be careful not to isolate.

Avoid being too quiet. There is a fine balance between having alone time and socializing. If you are too quiet, people may feel that you are distant and will not be comfortable around you. This will actually draw more attention to you than you would like. You do not always have to initiate contact, but try not to turn down an invitation to eat lunch with someone. Keep your conversations short, but talk to a variety of people instead of only three or four that you may be comfortable with.

Follow the rules. Rules and laws create order within your school, workplace, and society. When you follow the rules, you can blend in because you are doing what is expected. If you break the law, you will be going against the grain and may get singled out and punished. Breaking a rule can also give you a bad reputation. People may talk about your reputation before they even meet you, and people are more likely to know who you are and what you have done.

Being Discreet Online

Use privacy controls. All social media networks have privacy controls. When you adjust these settings, you have control over who has access to your information (e.g. profile, pictures, posts, data). Sites regularly change their privacy policies so stay up-to-date. Facebook allows your friends to share information about you. Be sure to go into your privacy settings and set limits. The default for privacy settings is completely open and accessible profiles.

Limit your friends. Only be friends with people that you actually know. Reject any requests from complete strangers. You should also go through your friend list every few months to see who you are sharing your information with. The more friends you have, the more people will know about you and what you are doing.

Post sparingly. Remember that anything that you post is public information and is permanent. Even if you delete a post or a picture, they can still be found. If you do not want the information revealed on a billboard, it is best not to post. Remember that employers often check social media during the hiring process. Never share personal details or your current location.

Conceal your identity. Use different usernames and logins for each of your accounts. This way it will be harder to track your online activity. You can also use an avatar or some other picture instead of using your actual picture for an online profile. You can also block your IP address so that you cannot be tracked when you are using the internet.

Interacting with Other People

Listen more than you speak. Allow others to speak more than you and let them dominate the conversation. Make eye contact with the person and nod to show that you are listening. Ask open ended questions during the conversation to encourage the person to talk. People love talking about themselves. Try to talk to people without revealing too much about yourself. To keep the conversation focused on the other person, you may say, “That’s interesting. Could you tell me more about that?” or ask, “What did you do this weekend?” instead of, “Did you have a good weekend?”

Avoid controversy. A person with a low profile is unlikely to engage in debate and be more willing to keep strong opinions or beliefs on certain topics to themselves (subjects like religion, politics, etc). A low-profile person isn't one to engage in political debate or try to persuade someone to change their stance on an issue. If people are debating or discussing one of these sticky, often controversial subjects, you may want to listen but not engage in the discussion. Don't try to change people's minds or tell them they are wrong — adopt a "live and let live" stance. They have their beliefs, and you have yours, and that's okay.

Keep your circle small. If you have a small circle of friends, you are more likely to have deeper relationships and more trust. If you have a large circle of friends, you will be invited to more events and activities. It is difficult to maintain a low profile if you have a super active social life. Do not neglect your friendships just because you are trying to keep a low profile. Friends are important for your happiness, health, and well-being. Interacting with a large number of people also means that more people know your business, and there is a greater likelihood of your business being shared with others.

Mind your own business. Focus on the things that you can control instead of other people. Stay away from gossip and negativity. Only give advice when you are asked. By demonstrating how you like to operate, other people will be less likely to bring gossip or drama your way. You can politely tell someone, “That’s none of my business,” or, “I like to stay away from drama.”

Go with the flow. Any time you are out in public, do what the other people are doing. If you are on the subway, in a restaurant, or at a store get behind another person in line and watch how they behave. When it is your turn to pay or place an order, you will know what behavior is expected. Do not push through people, make sudden movements, or be rude to other people. Also avoid making eye contact with other people. If it is sunny outside, sunglasses are a great way to avoid this; however, do not wear sunglasses if they are not weather appropriate. You may stand out more.

Deal with conflict quietly and gracefully. While a low-profile person likely won't experience too many conflicts with other people — especially if the person is going with the flow and avoiding hot-button topics — but sometimes it is inevitable. Try to maintain kindness and calm during a disagreement. Be open to compromise, or even appeasing the other person. This is fine, so long as you are comfortable with it and it is not violating any of your beliefs or values.

Do not overshare. If someone asks you a question or you need to speak, only say what is necessary for the conversation. Do not provide any extra details about yourself and stick to the topic at hand. This allows you to interact with others without revealing too much about yourself. Focus on general comments and answers instead of providing details. For example, when asked what your weekend plans are, you may say, "I'm going to explore the city with my friends," instead of, "I'm going to hang out with Michael and Ashley. We are going to see that new Marvel movie and then go to dinner."