What does soft life mean?
Soft life means an easy and peaceful life with minimal stress and difficulty. Soft life is a lifestyle that prioritizes comfort and relaxation, often focused on simplicity and an appreciation of peace, tenderness, vulnerability, and slow living. In theory, soft life is not about a life of leisure in terms of materialism or wealth—rather, it advocates for slowing down and enjoying life, as well as nurturing your mind and body with practices like therapy, adequate sleep, nutritious eating, and joyful exercise. The term “soft life” is often compared to phrases like “the good life,” although that term more strongly implies leisure and luxury. The soft life trend is not connected to the “soft girl” aesthetic, although they sometimes get confused with one another. The “soft girl” is a style aesthetic that revolves around all things cutesy, feminine, and cozy.
Origins & Usage of “Soft Life”
Soft life gained mainstream attention as a social media trend in 2022. The term “soft life” has been around as a general phrase for a long time—even dating back to the 16th century—but it gained popularity in 2020 as people began to reject the struggles of working a stressful job and advocate for stress-free lives. In 2022, “soft life” became a major mainstream trend after being used by Nigerian TikTok influencers like Sisi Yemmie (@sisiyemmie). Although the “soft life” trend is popular across many different groups, it’s especially popular amongst and can be attributed to younger Black social media users, particularly Black women.
The slang term is often used on social media with the hashtag #softlife. The hashtag appears on posts that showcase the “soft life” ideal as well as aspirational posts about the user’s desire for a soft life. Originally, the term was used by Nigerian influencers to share tips on self-care, but it’s since blown up to include shopping guides, dating advice, and think pieces on Black female liberation. Some examples of how soft life is used on social media include: “I quit my 9-to-5 job so I could leave the grind behind and live the soft life.” “My career goals? Living a soft life with my loved ones and being stress-free.” “I love a slow morning, I’m so content ????❤️ #SoftLife” “Cozy blankets, my favorite snacks, and watching Bridgerton. ???? My kinda #SoftLife.” “I just want a soft life tbh, I’m not built for stress.” “Woke up anxious & called out. Your daily reminder that mental health is health! #softlife” “Born for the soft life, forced to climb the corporate ladder ????” “Sundays are all about the soft life!! Peace, unwinding, family, food, comfort, laziness, love…”
Cultural Context Around Soft Life
Soft life confronts the concept of “success” in a hustle-focused culture. The “soft life” concept aims to shift the conversation around what it means to be successful. Rather than endlessly hustling for more money and more status, the soft life advocates for a balanced lifestyle that centers rest and renewal above all else, rejecting the idea that we must “earn” a living rather than just having a right to live.
Soft life is seen as a rallying cry for BIPOC and other marginalized people. The “soft life” trend was created and popularized primarily by Black women, and they see it as a way to cultivate spaces of rest and healing for people who have been marginalized. BIPOC individuals, and Black women in particular, are forced to struggle against generational patterns of stress, trauma, displacement, discrimination, and erasure. These groups use “soft life” as a way to reclaim their livelihood and take the opportunity to do things differently from prior generations that had to be strong and endure.
Critics see soft life as capitalistic, privileged, and lazy. The idea of “soft life” can seem laughable at a glance—after all, not everyone has the time and money to live a so-called “stress-free” or relaxed life. However, it’s important to remember that the soft life trend isn’t meant to be about treat-your-self purchases or expensive days at the spa (although some social media users may depict it this way). Rather, it’s about slowing down to appreciate the small moments in life and taking as much time and space as possible to take care of yourself and those around you. While some are in a more privileged position where these ideals are more attainable, anyone can try the lifestyle—even if it's just five minutes of journaling before bed or a few stretches in the morning. Other critiques of soft life include those who see it as an attack on career-focused lifestyles and individuals. However, a soft life doesn’t have to mean giving up ambitions or passions. Instead, it encourages people to examine what they truly want and what kind of work they want to be doing rather than what others believe they should be doing.
How to Live a Soft Life
Engage in mindfulness and meditation practices. Tune into the soft life by meditating for at least ten minutes per day until it’s a natural habit. You can also try a mental health journaling practice, such as bullet journaling, writing diary entries, or documenting your overall mood for each day. Practice some mindful breathing techniques, including this centering and grounding exercise from executive life coach Guy Reichard: “Start with a deep breath in and hold it for a second or two,” instructs Reichard, then “let it out slowly and fully. Do this again one or two times, slowing down the exhale even more each time.” “To ground yourself,” Reichard continues, “stand up straight and without any extra strain. Bring your attention to your feet making contact with the ground and breathe in a relaxed, unforced rhythm.” As Reichard explains it, “focusing on your feet and the ground brings your thoughts and attention to the present moment and to something real…taking attention and energy away from stressful thoughts and emotions.”
Learn to manage your stress in a productive way. Soft life or not, stress is a part of life. So, it’s important to be able to handle your stress when it does inevitably arise. Professional life coach Amber Rosenberg advises that you start by “noticing when you’re stressed. Shine a spotlight on it and name it.” For example, Rosenberg offers, “Say to yourself, ‘I recognize that I’m getting overwhelmed at this moment.’ Or, you can make a checkmark on a piece of paper” to acknowledge your stress in a judgment-free way before moving forward. Once you’re good at noticing your stress, Rosenberg moves on to the next step of “identifying the sources of your stress and how you react. For example, what's the first thing you notice in your body when you're stressed? What does it feel like? What happened right before you felt this in your body (what triggered your stress)?” It’s important to “get really clear on the cost of your stress and the benefit of addressing it,” says Rosenberg. “For example, the cost may be loss of productivity, the inability to fully relax, and a short temper. And the benefit...may be more quality time with your family, lower blood pressure, and better communication skills at work.” Once you’ve identified the cost/benefit of your stress, you may be more motivated to “create new best practices to proactively manage your stress on an ongoing basis. Self-care is a great place to start,” advises Rosenberg.
Take steps to respect and care for your body. Your body takes care of you, and an important part of the soft life is taking care of it in return! Get started by writing a letter thanking your body for all it’s done for you—how does it help you to move, complete daily functions, or connect you to your loved ones? When it comes to exercise, make sure to move your body in a joyful way that feels good and leaves you with energy. Finally, pamper your body with a luxurious bubble bath, relaxing massage, or a stress-relieving stretch!
Set loving boundaries with yourself and others. Setting boundaries is one of the most important ways to address your own needs and look after your physical and mental health (one of the key components of soft life!). As Rosenberg explains, setting boundaries “will feel uncomfortable at first, but as you take care of yourself, the personal power you gain will make it easier…Remember that there is no need to justify, give excuses, or over-explain your feelings. Be firm, gracious, and direct. When faced with resistance, repeat your statement or request.” To set a boundary with an angry person, Rosenberg recommends the statement, “‘You may not yell at me. If you continue, I’ll have to leave the room.’” To set a boundary with a critical person, try “‘That is an inappropriate comment, please stop,” says Rosenberg. To buy yourself time when making a tough decision, Rosenberg advises that you say, “‘I’ll have to sleep on it, I have a policy of not making decisions right away.’” To say no to or back out of commitments, Rosenberg offers a statement like “‘Although this organization is important to me, I can't participate now because my time is already over-committed” or “‘After reviewing my schedule, I now realize that I won't be able to give this project my best attention—I'd like to help find a replacement by the end of next week.’”
Identify and honor your personal values. To improve your overall quality of (soft!) life, Reichard recommends that you “clarify, prioritize, and honor your deepest personal values.” Defining your personal values can help you understand what exactly is “important to you in life and reflect who you are at the deepest level,” Reichard explains. “When we know what we value and we live a life in alignment with those values,” continues Reichard, “we are literally improving the quality of our lives.” To start identifying your personal values, make a list of the things that are most important to you in life. Consider any experiences you’ve had where you felt fully alive and engaged. What makes those things so fulfilling and valuable to you? You can also try completing an online values inventory, such as this one. Once you’ve defined your personal values, use them as a guide to set meaningful goals for your life. If one of your values is “vulnerability,” for example, set an intention to be more open with others and communicate more honestly.
Nurture positive emotions in your life. To live a soft life, it’s crucial to both recognize that small moments of joy in your life and nurture those moments to help them become more frequent and fulfilling. To nurture such positive moments and emotions, Reichard encourages “practicing appreciation, gratitude, and savoring.” “Do more activities that sponsor or invoke positive emotions,” continues Reichard, “such as spending time with people you love and enjoy being with or spending time in nature, playing, being active, and generally having fun.” Before turning to external activities, however, try using a mind-body exercise to get in touch with the positive emotions already inside you: “Spend some time bringing attention to your heart,” instructs Reichard. “While you have your heart in mind, you are breathing in a slow, controlled, and even rhythm.” “Once you’ve got the hang of that,” Reichard goes on to say, “keep it going while also conjuring up or generating a positive emotion. Think of someone or something you love, a rich memory, or even a place you enjoy being in.” “It’s hard at first to do all of this at once,” cautions Reichard, “so it takes practice, but it’s worth it. Practices like these bring our brains, hearts, and bodies into a balanced and coherent state, which is good for our well-being and builds resilience.”
Slow down and be intentional about your time, energy, and needs. According to the soft life trend, you and your mental health are the most important things in your life. “Slow things down, take it day-by-day, and understand that there’s beauty hidden in the journey,” advises certified executive coach Jessica Elliott. Be intentional about your time and energy—they’re “your most valuable assets,” adds Rosenberg, “and even small changes in how you manage them can have a big impact on your quality of life and how much time you have for yourself.” If you have a very busy lifestyle—and even genuinely enjoy it—remember that “it’s still possible to feel successful without killing yourself,” continues Rosenberg. “It’s less about quantity and more about quality,” says Rosenberg, so focus on the things that you truly enjoy doing rather than keeping up with a million things you feel meh about. By being more intentional about how you spend your time and energy, it’ll also become easier for you to get your personal needs met. When you’re getting your needs met, Reichard explains, “you experience more positive, life-enhancing emotions. You’re giving yourself what you truly need to support and enhance life.” This experience is why living a soft life is so important; "many people,” Reichard notes, “are deprived in some way or aren’t meeting their needs in an effective, sustainable and healthy way—this takes away from quality of life.”
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