Having an Open Conversation
Ask her how she feels about you. There are a lot of ways you can try to read the signals, but the easiest thing to do is just be upfront with the girl. Ask her if she really likes you, and don't be afraid to say that you feel insecure about it sometimes. If you do this constantly it might get on her nerves, but there's nothing wrong with asking her. Don't accuse her, just say sometimes you worry.
Tell her how you feel about her. It may seem counterintuitive to open up emotionally to someone you think might be playing games with you, but it could be the perfect solution. If you are sincere and she knows how you feel, she'll be more likely to answer honestly. If she is playing games with you, she may recognize that this isn't a joke to you.
Let her know when you feel like she is playing games with you. Don't be passive aggressive, just tell her that sometimes the way she acts hurts your feelings. No one is completely heartless — if she's playing games with you she may stop because she knows that it hurts you. Once again, don't get angry. Just let her know calmly that it makes you sad when she acts a certain way.
Assessing the Health of Your Relationship
Consider how invested she seems in you. Does the attention she gives you constantly vary? Does talk about how she is attracted to other people constantly? Those might be signs that she isn’t that serious about the relationship. However, sometimes her behavior may just reflect how comfortable she is in public. For example, if she’s way more emotionally available and affectionate when you’re hanging out alone it might just mean she’s shy around other people. Don’t be suspicious of that. Merely talking about other guys is not necessarily a bad sign. She may just have guys in her life who she's close to. However, if she routinely talks about how attracted she is to another guy (not you), she may not be into you.
Pay attention to how she talks about the relationship. Does she deny being in a relationship with you to other people, even her closest friends? If she denies dating you when talking to her friends she might be acting in a manipulative manner. People sometimes like to keep their new love interests out of the spotlight in the event that you have no interest in them. However, once you're dating and everything is exclusive, there is no reason she should be worried to discuss you with her friends.
Assess whether or not you feel safe in the relationship. You should feel emotionally and physically comfortable in the relationship. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around her or that you are always waiting for the next explosion, you may be in an unhealthy relationship. This is really a gut feeling, but you probably already know the answer.
Notice how she interacts with your friends and family. In a healthy relationship, your partner should do their part to try to interact civilly with the important people in your life. If they are constantly putting down your friends and family they may be trying to isolate you from the people who matter to you. Whether they are doing this consciously or subconsciously, it is still manipulative and unhealthy.
Ask your friends for advice. If you’re being paranoid, your friends might be able to get you to stop worrying so much and tell you that you’re being crazy. If there’s fire behind the smoke, they’ll be honest with you. A lot of the time friends want to be supportive of their friend’s relationships even if they know something is wrong. You might have friends who were waiting to tell you that this girl was playing games with you. They were just waiting for you to ask because they didn’t want to offend you.
Noticing Manipulative Behavior
Watch out for angry outbursts. If she frequently sulks when you disagree with her or when you tell her you're unavailable to do something with her, it might be time to get suspicious. If she seems upset when you don’t do her favors that’s a very bad sign. People are allowed to be upset, but they shouldn’t use their emotions to manipulate you. For example, if she gets upset when you don’t buy her meals or presents constantly, you should consider what her motivations are. Consider whether she is willing to return favors. People in a healthy relationship should be willing to make small sacrifices to support the other person. This doesn't necessarily mean spending money; it's an even better sign if she is willing to change her plans (within reason) to support you at important times.
Be wary of jealousy. If she tells you that you can’t hang out with other girls because it makes her worried, you should take a step back and assess the situation. It’s one thing for her to express that sometimes she worries about other girls, but it is entirely different to forbid you from hanging out with your female friends. That is considered manipulative and controlling.
Beware of blackmail. Hearing her say that she couldn't take it if you left her may seem flattering, but this is still blackmail manipulating you into staying. If she threatens to tell your family or friends about something you did unless you do what she wants, that’s the sign of an unhealthy relationship. If she tells you she is going to go out with their friends every night this week until you clean up the whole house, that is also blackmail. It may be more subtle than those examples, so take an honest look at her behavior.
Don’t fall prey to guilt trips. It’s not healthy to constantly feel guilty in a relationship. If she often says things like, “I would never expect you to do something like that” or makes you feel guilty for hanging out with your friends because it makes her too lonely, you should take notice. Your partner should be supportive; she shouldn’t try to make you feel guilty.
Pay attention if she demands that you give up your plans for her plans. If you wanted to go to watch a movie one night but she demands you throw a party at your house, or if she wants you to quit your job so that you can spend more time with her, she may be trying to manipulate you. Both of you are allowed to make reasonable requests to the other. The alarm bells should ring when she demands you change plans for a trivial reason, or gets upset when you decline.
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