How to Increase Libido

Adjusting Your Lifestyle

Spend plenty of quality, non-sexual time with your partner. Pick a night out of the week to go on a date. Or, spend some time together at the gym or outside getting some exercise. Eat meals together when you can. The more emotionally connected you are, the easier it will be to increase your libido. In fact, nurse practitioner Susannah Kerwin suggests "finding something to laugh about together, since shared, positive moments can naturally help boost your libido." Don't get stuck in the dinner-date routine either. Make a point of going on unique dates with your partner and trying new activities.

Divide up household chores. If a single person is responsible for cleaning, cooking, and taking general care of the family, then this can be quite exhausting for them. Splitting up tasks in the household can make both partners feel well rested and appreciated. It also creates a sense of partnership and cooperation that can extend into the bedroom. For example, try to split up meal preparation so that both of you are cooking and cleaning together. You should also split up your childcare responsibilities.

Focus on your partner during 15-20 minutes of meditation each day. Find a quiet place where you can sit undisturbed. Close your eyes and concentrate on breathing evenly in and out. Then, picture your partner in your mind. Focus on how they impact your senses and what they sound, taste, and smell like. Keep your thoughts positive during this daily meditation. Envision your partner smiling, not yelling. Expand your meditation to include a consideration of what you particularly enjoy about your partner or your favorite memories with them. For example, think about what you did for your most recent anniversary. It's okay to ask your partner to sit with you and meditate as well. This can actually bring you closer.

Exercise at least 3 days a week. Intermix both cardio and weight-resistance exercises throughout the week, aiming for at least 45-minute sessions 3 times a week. Boxing, jogging, or even jump roping are all great cardio options. Exercising a few hours before you have sex can provide an immediate libido boost, too. Working out elevates your libido by increasing blood flow throughout your body, including to your sexual organs. It also helps you to feel more comfortable and confident with your body, which can lead to a more satisfying sex life.

Do restorative yoga and deep breathing to lower your stress hormones. When you're stressed, your body releases a hormone called cortisol. This hormone is part of your fight-or-flight response, and it can lower your sex drive. Nurse practitioner Susannah Kerwin agrees that by actively working to bring your stress hormones down, you may be able to increase your libido. Practice yoga or deep breathing daily or a few times a week to see results. In addition to lowering your stress hormones, feeling relaxed can make you more open to sexual activity.

Making Changes to Your Sex Life

Talk with your partner about your sexual desires. This is an especially important step if your libido doesn't exactly align with that of your partner. Be candid about how frequently you'd like to have sex. Clarify any other sexual goals that you might have, such as trying out new things in the bedroom. Discuss what you do and don't identify as sexual acts. For example, your partner might consider hugging to be a sexual act. If you think that hugging is romantic, but not sexual, then this could lead to mixed signals and miscommunication. EXPERT TIP Susannah Kerwin, ANP-BC, HNP Susannah Kerwin, ANP-BC, HNP Nurse Practitioner Susannah Kerwin is a board certified Adult Nurse Practitioner in New York, New York. With over 10 years of experience, Susannah specializes in adult primary care, holistic medicine, and women’s healthcare. Susannah holds a Bachelor’s degree from the University of San Francisco. She obtained her MSN from New York University’s (NYU) unique dual degree program combining integrative and allopathic disciplines. Prior to becoming a Nurse Practitioner, Susannah worked for more than ten years as a Registered Nurse in psychiatric and surgical settings. Susannah also serves as an adjunct faculty member for NYU. Susannah Kerwin, ANP-BC, HNP Susannah Kerwin, ANP-BC, HNP Nurse Practitioner The brain is responsible for so much of our libido, so it can be really helpful to just make time to relax and laugh together, too. This can help you relax in each others' presence and lower cortisol. The more you can share moments of positivity and connection, the more it will help increase libido naturally.

Schedule times for sex. This sounds exactly the opposite of the spontaneous romantic tryst, but it can actually work. Set aside a few times a week, depending on your schedules, when you can definitely spend an extended period of alone, intimate time. Women, in particular, are known to get a libido boost by anticipating these sexual periods. While the scheduling can remain consistent, what you actually do in the bedroom can be as a creative or traditional as you both prefer. This is one way to add a bit of spark to the routine.

Give each other a full-body massage. This is a way to feel less hurried and to spend time arousing one another pre-sex. Get some massage oils, dim the lights, turn on soothing music, and spend 30 minutes or so massaging each other. Focus on the entire body and apply pressure as needed. Not only does this increase blood flow, it can relax you both and lead to more, better sex. Don't worry if you aren't sure how to give a massage. You can't make a mistake if you ask your partner for feedback as you go along. You might say, “How does this feel?” You can also watch professional massage videos online, or even take a class at a local college, if you want to expand your skill set.

Include at least 15 minutes of foreplay before sex. Arousal isn't simply a switch that you can turn off and on. Giving yourself plenty of time to kiss and touch one another will help to increase desire. During this time, try to just focus on each other and forget anything else that's going on in your lives. Foreplay also helps to get your body ready for intercourse, which can make the actual act more pleasurable.

Implementing Dietary Changes

Eat a diet with lots of fresh produce. The idea that there is a single libido-boosting diet is a myth, unfortunately. However, filling your diet with fresh fruits and vegetables can provide you with more antioxidants and nutrients, which can lead to a better sex life. Bananas provide energy-boosting vitamin B. Avocados give you folic acid, which can help with blood flow. Tomatoes, broccoli, and berries are all wonderful options, too. Fruits and vegetables that are bright in color often provide the most libido, and overall health, benefits.

Consume zinc-rich foods. Zinc is a crucial mineral for female fertility and sperm health. You can get zinc from your diet by eating foods such as oysters, lamb, spinach, and beef. Alternatively, talk with your doctor about taking a zinc supplement or multivitamin to supplement your dietary intake. Zinc also helps to produce testosterone, which can help to boost your libido and keep it elevated. Women should consume around 8 mg of zinc per day. That number rises to 11 mg a day for men.

Minimize your alcohol intake. While a drink every now and then might be okay, imbibing multiple glasses of alcohol each week can lower your libido. Try replacing alcoholic drinks with healthy ones, such as water spiked with lemon. Alcohol decreases your blood flow, which can make it more difficult to become aroused.

Seeking Professional Help

Talk with your doctor. Make an appointment for a full check-up and be prepared to be forthcoming with your concerns. Your doctor will likely give you a full exam and may order additional tests, such as a blood draw, depending on what you say. They may evaluate your medications to see if any include decreased libido as a side effect. For example, medications for depression or anxiety can impact your libido and hormones. A simple medication switch can sometimes make a big difference. Talk with your doctor about possible mental health factors, too. According to nurse practitioner Susannah Kerwin, you may also be struggling with undiagnosed low-level anxiety or depression that could be affecting your libido. Endocrine problems can result in hormonal swings. Vascular disorders can decrease blood flow to your sexual organs. Even sleep issues can dampen your libido.

Treat any conditions that lead to pain during sex. If you experience pain during sex, then it's time to make an appointment with your doctor for a general examination. For men, pain could indicate an infection, such as a UTI. For women, pain could indicate a general problem, such as vaginal dryness. When you can experience intercourse without pain, your libido will likely increase, too. It's important to pay attention to what type of pain you experience during sex, so that you can accurately describe it to your doctor. Consider whether the pain is sharp, dull, long-lasting, or fleeting.

Talk with a sex therapist. This is a counseling professional who focuses specifically on helping people overcome sexually-related issues. Be open and honest with your therapist, as they may need to dig deep into your past to discover how to boost your libido. Decreased sexual interest could be caused by aging, your relationship, or even religion. Find a qualified sexual therapist near you by going to the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists' website and entering your information into the “Locate a Professional” search.

Use books to improve your sex life with your partner. You and your partner can learn about new ideas to use in the bedroom. Books and articles can also provide you exercises for building your connection between you and your partner. Share the books with your partner to deepen your experience. Look online for books about improving your sex life. You might also check out blogs on the subject.