Distancing Yourself From Those Individuals
Stay away from places you know that person will be. The easiest way to ignore a person is to avoid encountering that individual altogether. You can reduce the chances of running into someone by avoiding the places you used to hang out together or where you know that person frequently spends their time. Find new restaurants, bars, and coffee shops to visit. Look for places slightly outside that individual's immediate neighborhood. Try to go shopping at stores further away from that individual's home (if you know where they live.) If a mutual friend invites you somewhere, ask that friend if the individual you're avoiding will be there. Then you can decide whether to go or not.
Limit your interactions with the individual. Limiting contact with someone is a good way to ignore them without necessarily cutting them out of your life. Cutting off all ties with someone can be difficult if you are related or if you go to the same place together on a regular basis. However, it can help you avoid having to interact with the individual on a regular basis, which may make you feel better. Reader Poll: We asked 926 wikiHow readers, and 64% of them agreed that a common way to show someone you don’t like them or want to be around them is to avoid spending time with them. [Take Poll]
Keep your conversations short, but polite. Give brief, unemotional responses anytime you speak to them. Don’t expand on anything you say, and don’t ask them any questions either. Respond briefly and politely but show that you’re not interested in furthering the conversation. Use a polite excuse to cut the conversation short. Say things like, “I’m doing good, but I better get back to work now,” or, “I’m meeting someone for lunch in a few minutes.” Be polite but firm when you tell them you have to go. Saying something rude or passive-aggressive will only make things worse. Vent your negative feelings later to a trusted friend or a journal, but stay relaxed and polite in person.
Deflect conversational attempts from the individual. Whether you work together, have mutual friends, or simply cross paths from time to time, it's important to resist the other person's attempts at drawing you into a conversation. You can do this by ignoring that person if they attempt to talk to you. Holding eye contact with someone is often seen as a friendly invitation for conversation. By avoiding eye contact, you can subtly show that you don’t want to engage with them. If the person is being rude or hostile, either openly or subtly, resist the urge to respond. Think about the task at hand or distract yourself with something else to show that they can’t get to you. If you’re in a situation where you have to respond to the person, share your own thoughts and feelings instead of directly engaging with them. Say something like, “In my opinion…” or “I was actually thinking…”
Have a buffer with you if you absolutely must talk to the person. If you can't avoid crossing paths with someone at work or at a social event, it may be helpful to have an outside friend with you. This friend can help buffer your encounter with the individual you don't want to be around. He or she will help ensure that things remain civil and can help direct the conversation to a neutral subject if the other person tries to make things unpleasant in any way. Let your buffer know what you need them to do. Make sure your friend is okay with filling this role up front so that they don't feel used or confused later on. Develop some type of nonverbal signal so that you can both excuse yourselves if you need to get away in a hurry.
Try being polite to people you can't avoid. If you cannot avoid certain people, you can always try being extra polite towards those individuals. Sometimes a kind approach can curb the negative behavior in others that you wish to avoid. Try staying calm as well. Take deep breaths, get up and stretch, or take a sip of water. Do something to distract yourself and break up your negative mental energy. When you feel the urge to say something mean, challenge yourself to instead say something polite or nice, like, “You did a great job at the presentation this week.” This can help diffuse tension with them and within yourself. Sometimes the urge to say something might get too strong. In this case, excuse yourself quickly and politely to go calm down. Say something like, “I’m going to grab some lunch, please excuse me.” Stay strong and confident no matter what. Rise above their negativity by refusing to engage.
Stay strong and secure. If you're trying to avoid being around someone, there's a good chance that individual is negative or otherwise unpleasant. These types of people typically try (whether consciously or not) to get under your skin. They may tell you that you're foolish for taking chances, or they may try to discourage you from having hopes and dreams at all. If you've decided to disengage with someone, it's important that you stay strong and try not to let that individual get to you or change you. Even if you don't feel secure or strong, it's important that you believe that you can be strong. This can help create a buffer between you and the negative people in your life. Don't let the negative words and actions of others affect the way you feel about yourself or the way you live your life. Use positive affirmations and self-talk to break out of any negative thoughts the person might make you have. Remind yourself that you're a good person and that your friends and family care about you. That must mean that you have positive attributes that the other individual simply isn't willing to see.
Cutting Off Electronic Communication
Block phone contact with someone you don't wish to be around. If you want to cut off contact with someone you don't wish to be around, you may want to consider blocking that individual from calling or texting you. This may not be necessary if you don't have any regular contact with the individual, but it certainly won't hurt. To block calls on an iPhone, select that individual from your contacts list and choose "Block This Caller." To block texts, go into your messages, choose the individual you want to block, and select "Details," then "Info," and then "Block Contact." To block calls/texts on an Android phone, go to Call Settings and select "Call Rejection," which will take you to the "Auto Reject List." From there you'll just search for and select the number you wish to block. To block calls/texts on a Windows phone, go to Settings and select "Call + SMS Filter," then switch the "Block Calls" function on. Then just hold down the number you want to block, select "Block Number," and hit "OK." If you use a BlackBerry phone, you'll need to speak to someone from your wireless carrier to block an unwanted phone number from contacting you.
Cut off social media connections. Even if you manage to avoid someone in person, that individual may still be able to contact you via social media. If you're friends with or follow someone on a social media site, that person can find out what you're doing or where you're going, and they could send you threatening or harassing messages through social media as well. If you're friends/followers with the individual on social media, you can unfriend or unfollow that person. You can also block that individual so that they cannot see what you post and cannot contact you in any way. If you're not friends or followers with the individual on social media, or if you've already unfriended that person, change your privacy settings within that social media site so that only your friends can see what you post.
Prevent someone from emailing you. If the person you're trying to avoid has your email address, you may fear getting an aggressive or confrontational email from that person. You can prevent this by blocking that individual from emailing you, or by filtering out all messages from that individual (depending on which email server you use.) To filter out emails in Gmail, select a message from that individual in your inbox by marking the checkbox next to it. Click the drop-down menu, choose "More," then "Filter messages like these," and on the redirected page select the option "Delete." To block emails in Microsoft Outlook, simply right-click a message from that individual, then click "Junk," followed by "Block Sender."
Maintaining Your Own Happiness
Learn to recognize the things that set you off. There may be times when you cannot avoid being around a person who is negative. Whether it's a colleague, relative, or neighbor, you may have to be around or (even interact with) negative people from time to time. When that happens, it's important that you recognize the things that set you off and try to be aware of those triggers to avoid getting upset. Make a list of the people, places, and things that cause you to feel unhappy, angry, or frustrated. Consider why those people, places, and things trigger a negative reaction in you. Think about how those triggers may come up in your day to day life, and plan strategies that will help you avoid or minimize these situations.
Resist the urge to complain about the people you don't like. Even though you might feel like venting your frustrations, doing so may actually end up alienating other people. They may be friends with the individual you don't like, or they may just get sick of hearing you say bad things about others. If you constantly complain about someone, the friends and colleagues that you spend time with may even end up wanting to distance themselves from you. Instead of complaining about the person you no longer wish to be around, make a point of not discussing that person in conversation with others. Talk with others about positive things that you do enjoy. Otherwise, the person you don't like will end up consuming a lot of your time and energy.
Take responsibility for your own words and actions. When you blame others for your own negative words and actions, it gives that person power over you and subtly takes away your own self control. No matter how upset someone else makes you, it's ultimately your decision to engage with that anger/frustration or to let it go. The things you say or do, even if you do them because of your frustration with someone, are still your choice and your responsibility. Make a point to notice any negative thoughts you have. Acknowledge them and let them pass without letting them take over. Over time, you’ll change your thought patterns. Remember that you can’t control the other person, but you stop letting them affect you. Stop wasting your time and energy even thinking about them anymore, and dedicate yourself to things you care about instead. You’ll always come into contact with people you don’t like, but you have the ability to control their impact on you. Take control of your thoughts and actions and focus on yourself instead of them.
Drawing Positive People Into Your Life
Recognize and project your best qualities. Positive people are generally drawn to other positive people. If you want to attract positive individuals into your life, it makes sense that you should let those people know that you are also positive. You can do this in subtle ways once you learn how to tune into and project your best, most desirable qualities. Think about what makes you a positive individual. Do you compliment others or go out of your way to be kind, for example? Make a conscious effort to engage in those activities more frequently, not just so others will see you, but to cultivate a more positive lifestyle of your own. Let your actions speak for you when it comes to what kind of person you are and what type of life you live.
Identify and seek out the positive people who are already in your life. Chances are there are already some very strong, positive individuals in your life. As you distance yourself from people you no longer wish to be around, it's important to replace those individuals with the people you do want around. Generally, it's best to keep positive, caring people close to you, as they make good friends and can help influence you to better yourself. Think about the friends, family members, and coworkers who are always positive in the face of adversity. You should also think about who the kindest, most considerate or compassionate individuals are in your life. Reach out to those people. Make an effort to spend more time together, and try inviting them to social events so you can spend as much time as possible together.
Meet and spend time with new positive people. In addition to the people already in your life, you should actively seek out new positive people to befriend. Finding new people who are positive and compassionate will help you further cement your social circle with people you admire and want to be around. This can help make you a better, more desirable friend for others. Look for new, positive people at your local gym, a faith group, an outdoor club like a hiking group, and other places where kind, positive people might spend time. Choose a cause you really love. You’ll feel good and meet other positive, compassionate people who care about the same cause. Grab a quick coffee or have lunch with the people you meet. Even short amounts of time together can boost your mood and outlook.
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