Having Open Communication
Be honest about what your relationship is. Don’t try to hide the fact that you’re dating more than one guy. There’s no point, as any lies you tell will end up tripping you up at some point. It’s much better to be up front about the fact that you don’t want to date someone exclusively right now. On your first date, you can say something like: “I’ve had a really fun time, and I’d like to keep seeing you. I’d like you to know that I’m also dating a few other people right now. Is that something you’re comfortable with?” Be understanding and gracious if a guy doesn’t want to continue seeing you. It’s his right to decide what kind of relationship he wants to be in.
Avoid discussing the details of your other dates. Being clear about your status is one thing. Telling one date all about how amazing your date was with this other guy you’re seeing is another. There’s no reason to go into these kinds of details, as it could make your dates think you’re trying to make them jealous. Don’t treat your dates like they’re part of a competition with you as the ringleader. You’re all people getting to know each other, and you should avoid playing one guy off the other.
Respond to direct questions honestly. Whenever one of your dates asks you a question about your relationship, respond honestly. If you start lying, it will be hard to stop. Once you’ve brought dishonesty into your relationship, it’ll be almost impossible to make it work going forward. If he asks you a question that makes you feel uncomfortable, you can say something like: “I’m not really comfortable answering that. I understand if that means you want to stop seeing each other.”
Don’t ghost your dates. It’s always important to be kind and courteous to the people you’re dating. Respond to their texts, calls, and emails within a day. If you end up wanting to end the relationship, say so. Don’t just ignore someone, as this can be hurtful. They also may not understand that you’re done seeing them. To end it with someone, say something like: “I’ve had fun seeing you over the past few weeks, but I don’t think we’re the best fit romantically. I’m going to keep seeing other people and going on new dates, and I hope you do too.”
Assume your dates are also dating other people. Unless the guys you’re seeing have specifically told you so, it’s safe to bet that they’re also dating multiple women at once. If this isn’t okay with you, you need to be up front about that on the first date. It’s unfair to have expectations for your dates that you won’t follow, so don’t expect many guys to be willing to exclusively date you while you’re also dating other men.
Pursuing What You Want
Tell your dates what you want out of dating. Ask yourself why you want to date multiple men and what you want to get out of dating right now. You should then share those expectations with all the guys you’re seeing. Also tell them if you feel like your expectations are changing. For example, maybe you want to date multiple guys because you just got out of a long relationship, and you’re just looking for something casual right now. That’s a different kind of dating than looking for the guy you want to marry. Say something like: “I’m just hoping to keep things casual with the guys I date right now, and I’m not really interested in something long term. Is that ok with you?”
Use your dates to gain self-confidence. Going on dates with new guys can be scary, but practice makes perfect! If you’re going on a lot of dates, you may notice that you’re getting better at making conversation with strangers, being up front about what you want, and feeling attractive inside and out. Embrace this benefit of non exclusivity!
Find out what you like in a partner. Dating multiple men can allow you to compare and contrast your experiences with them. Use these comparisons to decide which qualities matter most to you in a partner. This is especially valuable information if you’re looking for a long-term relationship. For example, you went on two dates last weekend. One guy took the time to ask you about your day and really listened to the answers, and the other guy didn’t ask you one question all night. Turns out you like good listeners!
Allow yourself to let go of bad matches quickly. Especially since you’re dating more than one guy, there’s no reason to force yourself to stick with someone who makes you unhappy! Don’t try work on relationships that feel uncomfortable or toxic. While you shouldn’t stick with someone who’s making you unhappy no matter what, you may find that you’re willing to let go faster when you’re dating multiple guys.
Setting Boundaries
Give your full attention to each date. To fully take advantage of this experience, make sure you’re living in the moment on every date you go on. Avoid thinking about other guys, work, school, or something else while you’re on a date. It’s not fair to you or the guy you’re out with.
Follow set rules about intimacy. Decide how you’d like to handle intimacy and especially sex with the guys you’re dating. Be open with your dates about what those rules are. Sticking to these guidelines can keep you and your dates from getting hurt. If you want to have sex with more than one partner, you need to be up front with all the people you’re having sex with. This is important for everyone’s mental and physical health. Always practice safe sex by protecting against both STIs and unwanted pregnancies. While birth control options like the pill or an IUD can prevent pregnancy, you need to make sure the guys wear condoms to protect yourself against sexually-transmitted infections. Talk to your doctor or a local women’s clinic for more information or assistance.
Touch base regularly to know where you stand. Check in with the people you’re dating every couple of weeks. Ask them if they’re still ok with you seeing more than one guy. If they’re not, it’s a good time to end the relationship. You can say something like: “Hey Tim, I know we’ve seen each other a few times, and I just wanted to check in and see where things stand. I’m still seeing other people. Are you?”
Stop seeing other people if you want to commit to one. If you’re hoping to start a monogamous relationship with someone, start it out on the right foot. Talk to the guy you’re interested in a long-term commitment with to check if they’re on the same page. Then contact your other dates to tell them you can’t see them anymore. It’s a good idea to get in touch with the guy you’re most interested in before you tell the other guys you want to stop seeing them. Otherwise, you could find yourself totally date-less! To ask someone if they’re ready for an exclusive relationship, say something like: “Hey Patrick, I’ve really enjoyed the time we’ve spent together, and I’d like to keep seeing you. I also don’t want to date anyone else. How do you feel about us?” To stop seeing other people, say: “Hey! I’ve had a lot of fun dating, but I’m going to start looking for a long-term thing, and I don’t think we’re right together in that way.”
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