How to Cope with Sheltering in Place with Your Family

Making Time for Yourself

Banish the guilt. Sheltering in place together as a family can be stressful, so cut yourself some slack. You're not going to be able to ace every work task while also suddenly serving the role of temporary full-time home school teacher and keeping up with all the household chores — and that's completely okay. Kids may wind up getting more screen time than usual. You may be a little slower to complete certain tasks. The dishes may go undone for a day. This isn't the end of the world, and it's fine to let yourself off the hook. It may help to remember that this situation is temporary. You won't be sheltering in place forever, so it's all about just weathering the storm without losing your mind. Before we know it, this will be over and you will all be able to go out and celebrate together!

Make sure you have a space that's just yours. When you'll be spending a lot of time inside with your family, it's important to have a spot where you feel you can retreat. Even if it's just a desk, a chair, or your bed, pick somewhere you can go if you feel overwhelmed or you just want to hang out by yourself. Talk to your family to make sure they understand that you need a space, and encourage them to choose their own spot, as well. For instance, you might say something like, "Hey, I think it's a good idea if we all pick a spot for when we want quiet time once in a while. If I'm on the beanbag in my room, it means I could use some space. Where do you want yours to be?"

Play video games for a fun way to pass the time. If you have a computer or a video game console, find a new game that will allow you plenty of playing time, like an open-world RPG with tons of side-quests. Many video games can take over 100 hours to beat the storyline, and just finishing a tutorial can knock out an entire afternoon. Combat and racing games often have multi-player modes if you want to play with more than one person at a time. Online gaming can be a great way to feel like you're still connected to the real world. You can also download games to your phone or tablet if you want a more portable option. Strategy games and puzzles in particular can be a great way to keep your mind sharp in your down-time.

Catch up on your reading. In today's fast-paced world, it can seem like there's never enough time to get lost in a good book, but life has thankfully slowed down for the foreseeable future. Sheltering in place is the perfect excuse to curl up in a quiet spot with a new book—or two or three. If you're feeling anxious, consider light-hearted reading like romance novels, comedies, and who-done-its. Buy ebooks or audiobooks if you run out of reading material. If you have a library card, you can use an app like hoopla to access free books, audiobooks, videos, and more.

Find a creative outlet to express your feelings. When you're asked to shelter in place, you'll probably have a lot of free time on your hands, but you're also likely to experience a lot of different emotions, from stress and anxiety to plain old boredom. If you're artistic (or even if you aren't), being creative can be a great way to pour out those emotions in a healthy way. For instance, if you play the guitar, you might write a song about how you're feeling. If you love to write, you might try writing a short story or keeping a journal. You could also draw, sculpt, make videos, build models, create a scrapbook, knit, or sew.

Set aside time each day for self-care. When you're sheltering in place, it might be tempting to wear the same pair of pjs for a week, skip washing your hair, and sit in the couch the whole time. However, you'll probably feel much better about yourself (and be in a better mood!) if you get up each morning and wash your face, take a shower, comb your hair, and get dressed. Other forms of self-care might include exercising, practicing yoga, meditating, taking a long bath, drinking a cup of hot tea, or participating in a hobby you enjoy.

Reflect on your goals and make a to-do list. When you find yourself with extra time on your hands, it's the perfect time to do some self-reflection. Think about what you'd like to accomplish during your time away from work or school, and make a list of small, attainable goals you can work on during that time. In addition, reflect on what you want your life to look like when things start to return to normal. For instance, you might set a goal of reading a book a day while you shelter in place, or you might take on a home-improvement project. Really think about whether you're excited to return to your current job or your career path after the shelter-in-place order is lifted. If you're not, think about the steps you can take to change that, like taking online classes or starting a new job search. You may also feel mixed emotions about getting back to normal, so think about how you could deal with those emotions. You can also reflect on your relationships and evaluate whether there are people you'd like to be closer to, or perhaps people you might be better off without.

Take care of your body while you're sheltering in place. Don't fall into the trap of neglecting your health while you're staying at home for days or weeks at a time. Instead, make an effort to eat healthy, nutritious meals each day, take any medications your doctor has prescribed, and try to get 15–30 minutes of exercise each day. For some ideas of exercises you can do at home, visit https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/exercise/easy-low-impact-exercises/.

Getting Work Done

Have a set time for work or schoolwork. If you have any school assignments or you're able to work remotely, set aside a little time every day to knock out a few tasks. Not only will it help you pass some time, but it can help you feel a sense of normalcy and purpose during an otherwise stressful time. For instance, if you have a big paper due when you return to school, you might spend an hour each afternoon reading sources and jotting down notes. If you need to work a full day, have clear starting and ending times, take plenty of breaks, and be patient with yourself and your family members. However, if you start to feel overwhelmed, it's fine to step away and do something else for a little while.

Ask everyone to find something quiet to do during this time. It can be hard to focus on getting your own work done if you're surrounded by loud video games, music, or even just conversations (especially if you have young kids!). Once you've established the time of day when you want to get work done, make sure everyone knows that if they have any assignments, this is when they should work on them, too. For instance, you might say, "Every day from 10:00-11:00 and 2:00-3:00, I need quiet time to work. That would be a great time for you to work on your school assignments. If you're done with those, please find something quiet to do, like writing or drawing. Once the time is up, we can go back to playing and watching TV!" If you have smaller children, have several small, quiet activities they can switch between while you're working. For instance, you might have a table set up where they can use crayons, then you could switch to modeling clay or slime when they start to get bored with coloring. Screen time can be a great way to keep kids occupied while you're working, as long as they're all caught up on their work.

Make a dedicated work area. Having a spot that you go specifically to work can help you get in the right mindset to get things done. In addition, it can help signal to your other family members that you need to focus, so they may be less likely to interrupt you. For instance, if you don't have a desk, you might set up your laptop at the end of your dining table during your work hours.

Have realistic expectations about your productivity. While it's a great idea to try to set goals and get things done during your down time, sheltering in place can be mentally and emotionally taxing. In addition, you'll have a lot more distractions than you normally do. Remind yourself that during unusual circumstances, it's fine if you don't get the same amount of work done that you normally would. Just do what you can as you're able, and focus on creating a calm, secure atmosphere for your family during this time. Don't feel like you have to live up to the images you see on social media of creative homeschool planners or ambitious meal-preppers. It's fine to do those things if you want, but it's also okay if that's not what your day looks like.

Managing Time Together

Go back in time. You are never too old to relive your childhood! If you have good memories of a specific time in your life, perhaps you can rekindle them with family. If you used to play board games, watch a certain children's TV show or have picnics but found that before this lockdown you didn't have to do so, this is the perfect time to go back to the life that you were nostalgic for.

Open the windows or go outside for fresh air. Being advised to stay at home is hard enough, but being stuck inside is even harder. If you have a yard, porch, or balcony, try to spend at least a few minutes a day outside if the weather is nice and it's safe to do so. If you can't do that, at least open your windows to let some fresh air in, if you're able. Getting a little sunshine and fresh air can be a huge mood booster. If you feel down and empty, that would be the best time to go outside if the weather is pleasant and there aren't too many people around. Try taking a picnic lunch outside, for instance, or play a game of tag on the lawn to get some quick exercise. Sitting or exercising on the grass is relaxing, for instance.

Play games and puzzles together for fun bonding time. Busy schedules can make it hard to schedule family time, so do your best to take advantage of the opportunity to come together as a family. Playing board games and cards can be a fun way to introduce a little big of competition into your day, for instance. However, there are plenty of things you can do even if you aren't a super competitive family, such as all cooperating to put together a tough jigsaw puzzle. Board games like Candy Land and Mouse Trap are great for younger kids, while older kids and teens might enjoy games like Monopoly or Risk. Try card games like Uno, Rummy, and poker to bring everyone around the table.

Read books out loud together. Just like reading on your own can help you pass the time, reading as a family can be a quaint way to get everyone together for a little while. Pick something that will appeal to everyone, like a collection of old-fashioned fairy tales or an exciting fantasy series. Then, have each person take turns reading a chapter out loud! Book series like Harry Potter or The Chronicles of Narnia are family-friendly options with lots of exciting action to keep everyone interested.

Binge-watch your favorite shows or movies together. Pick your favorite streaming service or pull out your collection of DVDs, then either start binge-watching a show from the first episode, or let each person take turns picking out a movie. Just make sure to screen the picks to make sure they're age-appropriate, especially if you have small children. If you're looking for a family-friendly show to watch, try options like Lost in Space on Netflix or The Mandalorian on Disney+. Skip streaming for now if someone is trying to attend class via video chat online.Tip: When you're stuck at home for a while, don't worry too much about screen time restrictions—as long as people are entertained, that's good enough.

Cook nutritious meals together. If it's possible, get everyone in the kitchen together to help with food prep, setting the tables, and cleanup. Not only will the extra hands make the work go faster, but when you all sit down to eat, everyone will be able to take pride in having helped get the food on the table. Try to include plenty of fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains in your meals. When you're not getting as much physical activity as you're used to, it's especially important to be mindful of your nutrition.

Take virtual field trips to learn something new. Even if you're cooped up inside, you can still find ways to explore new spaces! A number of museums, zoos, and parks have live streams or virtual tours that will entertain adults and kids alike! For instance, you can take a virtual tour of the Boston Children's Museum by visiting https://www.bostonchildrensmuseum.org/museum-virtual-tour. Learn about art by touring the Louvre at https://www.louvre.fr/en/visites-en-ligne. Watch a variety of fascinating feeds from the Monterey Bay Aquarium at https://www.montereybayaquarium.org/animals/live-cams.

Observe your family's religious practices together. When you're a spiritual person, relying on your faith can be a major source of comfort during difficult times. If all of the members of your family share the same faith, try praying together, reading spiritual texts, and attending online religious services as a family. If you're the only person in your family who observes your faith, it's fine to include your spiritual practices in your quiet time.

Minimizing Stress and Anxiety

Stick to a regular daily routine. As much as possible, try to keep the same waking and sleeping times that you normally would. In addition, schedule in time for chores, exercise, and school or work assignments, and try to have your meals at regular times. This will help you feel like things are at least somewhat normal until the shelter-in-place order is lifted. In addition to helping you maintain some of your sanity, keeping a normal schedule will make it easier to transition back to your regular routine.

Keep in contact with your loved ones. Being asked to shelter in place can make you feel cut off from the rest of the world. Fortunately, in most cases, you'll still be able to call or text your family and friends who live elsewhere. Make time each day to reach out to the people you care about and see how they're doing. If you know other people who are being asked to stay indoors, reach out to them, since they might be feeling isolated and lonely too.

Limit your exposure to the media, and rely on credible sources. Staying informed can be an important way to feel like you have some control during the ordeal, but consuming too much disaster-related media can cause you to feel anxious, frightened, and more stressed. A few times a day, check in with the most credible, reliable sources you can find. Then, turn off the news or put down your phone and go find something else to do. Avoid relying on information you see posted on social media or shared by your friends and family unless you can verify it from a trusted source. The best sources of information will depend on the reason you're asked to shelter in place. For natural disasters, for instance, you might rely on FEMA, whereas in the case of an infectious disease, you might turn to agencies like the CDC or WHO.

Express your feelings rather than bottling them up. Don't just try to put on a brave face and pretend that you don't feel anxious and scared. Instead, when you find yourself struggling with your emotions while you're sheltered at home, talk to your family about how you're feeling. Ask your family members to share their feelings, as well. For instance, you might say, "Mom, I'm really worried that I'll fall behind on my schoolwork and I won't be able to go to college next year, and I don't know what to do about it." If you're having feelings of anxiety or fear that are interfering with your relationships or your ability to function, consider finding a therapist who can video chat with you online.

Manage conflict patiently. Sometimes it seems like the people you love the most can get under your skin the easiest, and that's especially true about family. However, being in close quarters doesn't have to be a recipe for bickering. Keep in mind that everyone else is probably feeling just as stressed as you are. Try to let small annoyances go without mentioning them, or sit down and have a calm conversation if you feel like you need to set a boundary to stay content. For instance, you might say, "Kenya, I feel like you're not respecting me when you come into my room without knocking. I shouldn't have yelled at you, though. Do you think we could both work on this together?"

Try stress-relieving activities to relax. Stress, anxiety, and fear are all common reactions to a disaster-related situation. However, you can help combat these feelings by finding a stress-relief practice that helps you relax. For instance, you might meditate, practice mindfulness, or try deep breathing exercises when you feel upset. You could also start a daily gratitude practice, where each day you write down one thing that you're grateful for. This can help you be a more positive person in the long run!

Reassure the small children in your family. If there are young children in your family, don't assume that they can't understand what's going on. They're almost certainly going to notice that something is different, especially if their daily routine is changed. Talk to them in a calm voice, giving them as much information is age-appropriate, and let them know you're doing everything possible to keep them safe. For example, you might say something like, "Ben, this is a little hard to understand, but there's a big storm that's supposed to come later today. We're doing everything we can to get ready for it, so that's why Mom and Dad are home from work today. We can talk about it, if you want."

Avoid turning to alcohol or illicit drugs to cope. When you're spending a lot of time with your family, you might be looking for a way to escape, and having a few drinks or getting high might seem like a decent option. However, since alcohol and drugs can cause you to act in erratic and unpredictable ways, there's a good chance that this will just make it more stressful to be in close quarters with your family. If your family has a relaxed attitude toward things like wine or beer, having a glass in the evening might not be a big deal. However, you should definitely avoid excessive drinking.

Reach out if you're struggling. Sheltering in place isn't easy, especially if you're worried about danger or if you're stuck at home for a long time. When you don't know how to handle things, reach out to people who can help you. Talk to a trusted loved one about how you're feeling. Reach out to a counselor or a hotline. Virtual appointments with counselors are available.