Forgiveness
Understand and believe that all shall be well provided that you place your faith in Allah. Allah is inclined to forgive all sins for He is All-Understanding and All-Forgiving. Even if you feel that you have become too deep in sin to become a good Muslim, then do not despair. Allah will help and give you the opportunity to reform, provided that you devote yourself to worshiping and obeying Him. It is never too late to turn to Allah, provided we ask for forgiveness for past sins and commit to striving to please Him in future.
Identify the influences causing you to stray from your religion. Maybe you can trace them to either family situations or friends that are leading you on the wrong path. Leave behind such friends. They will not be there to help on the Day of Judgement when you face Allah on your own to account for your actions, and your fate in the next life will be decided. If it is because of family, the next steps will come in handy.
Acknowledge and ask Allah for forgiveness for each of your past sins. They are in the past and there is nothing you can do to change it other than seek Allah's forgiveness. Tell Allah in your own words what you did wrong, how much you regret it and ask for forgiveness. Promise not to repeat them and focus on the future. The only thing you can do is to sincerely express your regret to Allah, ask for mercy and take steps not to repeat the mistake. Use your love of Allah and fear of incurring His displeasure as motivation to become better and do more good deeds. Remember that while Allah is inclined to mercy we must always strive to seek His pleasure.
Recognize your weaknesses and avoid them. This is not to say that you should run every time a guy comes near, but learn to lower your gaze and interact with unrelated men in a way that is formal and business-like. Remember that while Allah can be severe in punishment for those that disobey Him, He is also the Most Forgiving and the Most Merciful towards those who are trying to confront their weaknesses and improve themselves.
Displaying your Devotion
Observe the hijab. If you are truly devoted to turning over a new leaf and becoming the best Muslimah that you can be, follow the Islamic requirement of hijab in its broadest sense. The hijab is not just a piece of cloth that covers hair - it encompasses and protects your whole self, including your mannerisms, speech, your gaze, and your heart. It changes you mentally and spiritually by identifying you as a Muslimah. Think of it as a gift from Allah azza wajjal to help protect women. As soon as you wear the hijab, your self-respect and values will change. Quran 24:30-31 explains that women should pull their headcovers (khumur) over their chests or breasts, and Quran 33:59-60 says that veiling will help women be recognized as Muslims. A hadith narrated by the Prophet's wife Aisha says that Allah will not accept prayer from a woman who has reached puberty unless she wears hijab.
Dress modestly. This means that you have to cover your whole body with loose clothes. Hijab is not supposed to be fashionable or eye-catching. Rather, it is a command from Allah. Avoid tight clothing, such as skinny jeans, and instead dress in looser clothing. This change will help you to change your whole outlook on what is acceptable and what is not. Remember that it is obligatory to cover the whole body except the face, hands, and sometimes the feet, although some scholars believe it's obligatory to cover those as well (especially in the Hanbali school of thought). There isn't one "right" way to cover. Some scholars believe you can leave your face visible, while many others believe it's required or at least beneficial to cover it. In most cases, it's considered sufficient to cover your hair, ears, neck, and most of your body with loose clothing. If you have questions or are uncertain, talk to other hijabis and pray to Allah for guidance. Many Muslimahs chose to wear the niqab (face cover), either permanently or part-time, as an act of devotion to help them be more aware of Allah and to strengthen their Muslim identity. Wearing hijab doesn't mean you can't dress smartly. Try wearing clothing in sober or pastel colors that you like, and look into different styles of hijab as well. Some Muslimahs feel it's acceptable to wear clothes or hijabs with subtle patterns on them, especially in Western countries where solid-color outfits can sometimes cause you to stand out, while many prefer plain black as the safest choice.
Practicing Islam
Practice all five daily prayers. Praying five times a day is obligatory for all Muslims that have reached puberty and is of the upmost importance. Learning what the words mean will enhance your contemplation within prayer. If you do not speak Arabic, try to find some translated versions of the prayer words and take some time to read and understand what the words mean. Make the five prayers the focal points of every day, the way eating is a physiological need of ours, our spiritual food is prayer. When you have established the 5 obligatory prayers, look into the many additional voluntary and recommended prayers that can be added to your daily schedule of worship. Try to incorporate some of the optional prayers regularly used by Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) into your routine, such as Tahajjud, the night time prayer. You can earn great rewards for performing these prayers, although no sin is recorded if they are missed. Allocate time each day for supplicating to Allah (making dua), for example after each fardh salah and after Tahajjud. Ask for anything that you may desire and the prayer of the believer will surely be heard and answered in the way that is best for you. First of all praise Allah, then thank Him for the innumerable gifts that He has bestowed upon you. Then in your own words ask for His help for yourself, family, friends and other Muslims and also protection from harm. Making dua in sujood (prostration) will help you to feel connected by strengthening the feeling of complete dependence upon Allah. Many Muslimahs keep a dua journal listing things that they would like assistance with, reminders of blessings to be thankful for, as well as sins to acknowledge and seek forgiveness for. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), who lived a life full of virtue, used to pray for forgiveness 70 to 100 times every day, so as a minimum we should aim to do likewise.
Read the Quran. Read the Quran every day and also try to read the translation of the Quran in your native language to understand its meaning. Remember that the words of the Quran are Allah's, so reading the Quran will help you establish a direct relationship with Allah and will also allow you to discover the beauty of the religion. Listening to it (you can find videos online) also makes you feel closer to Allah. Memorize some of your favorite verses, recite them through the day and incorporate them into your prayers and daily reflections. If you are motivated, you may wish to enrol in a course to memorize the entire Quran (hifdh) and to pronounce the words perfectly (tajweed). Reflect upon the words you read, study their deepest meaning (tafsir) and identify lessons from the Quran that you can incorporate into your daily life. Resolve to obey every command given in the Quran and heed the numerous warnings contained therein. They are there for the benefit of each of us and must be taken literally. Read the numerous descriptions of Jannah (Heaven) and Jahannam (Hellfire) in the Qur'an, and use them to motivate you to strengthen your faith and keep on the true path of Islam.
Learn more about the rules of Islam. Know which acts are compulsory (known as 'wajib' or 'fardh', such as prayer, fasting in Ramadhan, seeking Islamic knowledge, wearing hijab etc.) and what you can't do (known as "haraam", such as eating certain foods, sexual activity outside marriage, free-mixing etc.), and the reasoning behind it. The internet is a valuable resource to research the Islamic legal system (Shariah) and also find information on the consequences that may follow in this world and the afterlife if the laws are broken. The Shariah with its tradition of deterrent punishments may sometimes seem restrictive and old-fashioned, but it is a gift from Allah to guide the believers to follow His way and can never be changed. Familiarize yourself with the Shariah and use the narrations of how its divine laws and punishments were administered by Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) to men and women alike to motivate yourself towards the obedience of Allah. Remember that completing a fardh act is deserving of reward, but omitting one, such as praying five times daily or fasting in Ramadhan, is a transgression of the Shariah. Never be tempted to invent new ways of worshiping Allah. This is bidah (innovation), which is strictly forbidden in Islam and leads to Hellfire.
Perform dhikr, which means being mindful of Allah throughout the day. Dhikr of Allah is one of the best ways to praise Allah and to improve your connection with Him. Dhikr has been stressed over a hundred times in the Qur'an, and is of tremendous importance. Allah says in his Holy book : "O believers, make abundant mention of Allah!" (33:41) The Prophet said, "If your hearts were always in the state that they are in during dhikr, the angels would come to see you to the point that they would greet you in the middle of the road." Many Muslims set themselves dhikr targets during the day, for example reciting Allahu Akbar 34 times followed by Alhamdulilah 33 times and SubhanAllah 33 times after each of the five salah, or sending blessing upon Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) hundreds of times each day. As well as performing dhikr after prayer, before and after sleeping, take the opportunity to praise and glorify Allah when going about daily activities like household chores, cooking, traveling, gardening etc. Remember that we have been created to worship Allah so it is our duty to do this throughout every day, not just around prayer times or on Sunday mornings. Our aim should be to be mindful of Allah at all times, constantly praising Him, acknowledging His greatness, showing our gratitude and striving to please Him. There are many duas from the Sunnah that should be learned and recited at appropriate times each day, for example upon waking up, going to the toilet, before a meal, leaving the house, wearing new clothes, entering the masjid, going to sleep, etc. Think about the meaning and significance of every word of dhikr that passes across your tongue so that thoughts of Allah's attributes are never far away. Avoid too much monotonous repetition by using different times of day for various adhkaar as prescribed in the Qur’an and Sunnah, but never waste an opportunity to make dhikr. Dhikr leads to increased Taqwa (sometimes translated as fearful awareness of Allah), which is the key to success in this life and the next. Ideally, aim for a balance of hope (for the mercy of Allah) and fear (of His punishment).
Allocate a minimum amount of time each day to Islamic activities and stick to it. For example, if you can manage it, four hours a day dedicated to formal worship (salah, dua, reading Quran), two hours seeking religious knowledge (memorizing Qur'an, studying fiqh, seerah) and two hours fitted in with your daily duties for lisani dhikr (verbal remembrance) should help you to build your relationship with Allah (SWT) and acquire the religious knowledge necessary to develop as a good servant. Remember that adherence to the five daily fardh salah will be the first thing to be examined on the Day of Judgement, so you should be attentive about keeping to the prescribed time and always pray with kushoo (humility and focus). Allow plenty of time after each fardh salah for personal dua, self-reflection and dhikr. Seeking religious knowledge (ilm) is incumbent upon every Muslim and is essential in order to better understand how Allah wishes to be worshiped. Attend evening and/or weekend classes with other motivated sisters to study all aspects of Islam, including hifdh, tajweed, fiqh, hadith, seerah etc, and block off time each day for private study and revision, for example after Fajr and in the evening. On its own though, study is of no use unless the knowledge acquired is implemented within our lives - ultimately we will be rewarded or punished according to our actions, not our knowledge. Set yourself self-improvement targets, for example fasting more regularly, reading extra voluntary prayers, memorizing surahs, extending your morning and evening adhkar, undertaking charity work or increasing your volume of daily dhikr. Try to follow the example of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) when seeking ways of enhancing your worship and showing your love for Allah each day, for example by reciting all the sunnah and nafl (voluntary) prayers as well as the fardh. Remember that Allah likes consistency and attentiveness in worship, and you should strive to do a little more each day. The Quran tells us that those who are idle in their worship will have a difficult time on the Day of Judgement, but don't burden yourself with more than you can manage.
Keeping Good Company
Hang out with good Muslim friends. Aim to make friends who share your mission of being a good Muslimah and who influence you to do better, or friends who are at least open to your religion. Try to reserve close friendships for other Muslimahs who encourage you to learn and practice Islam. Even though this is a issue of dispute the consensus of Muslim scholars is that women are recommended to not befriend unrelated men but however it is permissible as long as the friendship is done with principle and no physical contact is made this is for the safety and protection of both genders, but they should not be alone together due to studies showing that it will lead to more harm than good. Learn how to politely reject unwanted interaction with some boys or men, Muslim and non-Muslim, that may attempt to approach you if you do not want to date and marry them. It is permissible to interact with them in public matters such as education, business, work, projects, and etc. There is no harm in being being friends with the opposite gender as long as there are no unlawful or harsh influences. Avoid friends that bring bad influences, that harm or hurt your feelings and treat you harshly or hold you back from your study and worship. There isn't a clear-cut ruling on befriending non-Muslims, but it should be avoided because you could be distracted from Islam and influenced towards wrongful beliefs and actions. Show respect and kind manners to non-Muslims - Allah allows and obligates you and all to show respect to those who haven't fought you due to religion [Quran 60:8-9], and display Islam in a good light. Remember that every non-Muslim will look upon Islam more positively if you are polite and tolerant, and that every non-Muslim is a potential convert to Islam.
Find other role-models regardless of gender. Realize that there are many excellent lecturers who are passionate about spreading the peaceful message of Islam. Try to listen to their lectures and make it your mission too to tell other people about how Islam can help them bring meaning and self-discipline to their lives. Many female scholars hold weekly on-line classes, providing the opportunity to ask questions about all aspects of Islam. Islam encourages open discussion and learning concerning all matters of the religion, even including sensitive matters like menstruation and sexual behaviour. If possible, living in a strong Muslim neighborhood will provide opportunities to meet and learn from local Muslimahs including female scholars.
Plan to marry a pious man who cares for you and treats you respectfully. Marrying is considered Sunnah in Islam and is described as half of one's faith, potentially bringing great rewards. Try to search for a knowledgeable spouse who will help you develop your religious knowledge and treat you fairly. In countries that allow it, polygamy can be a practical option for many Muslimahs seeking marriage, as Islam permits a husband to take up to four wives, provided he is capable of supporting and treating them equally and fulfilling your desires. However, polygamy is not a requirement. Do not rush into a marriage - whether for Allah, yourself, or anyone else. If you get married too quickly, you may not know if your spouse shares your values (such as faith, children and parenting, and work-life balance), and you may become trapped in an abusive relationship. Beware of any husband that wants to rush into it. If Allah wills it to happen, it will happen. In Islam having children within a halal marriage is seen as an act of worship that pleases Allah and bring greats rewards. So getting married and having children should be the intention of every Muslimah, as long as the couple can look after them well and bring them up as good Muslims. Not all sisters are able to get married as soon as they would like. If you are alone and struggling with urges, then remember the boundaries set by Allah and fast and pray for the strength to contain your desires and protect you from the Shaytaan (Devil). Surely Allah will help you to stay chaste and get married when it is best for you. If a single Muslimah does slip up then she must make ghusl and pray Tawbah. Remember that every sin is seen by Allah, even if does alone and does not harm others. So ask for forgiveness and undertake not to repeat it. Protecting the private parts through the self-discipline of prioritizing obedience to Allah is among the most difficult things that all single Muslims have to learn, especially so for those living is westernized societies surrounded by temptation.
Attend Muslim groups. The concept of sisterhood is very important in Islam and attending sisters' study circles or Qur'an classes are a great way to learn more about Islam and develop a bond with other like-minded girls. Muslim groups are most likely provided at your local mosque or though study circles (halaqa) at other sisters' homes. Make Islamic classes an important part of your weekly routine. Try to follow a structured course covering all of the Islamic sciences and set aside time during the week for revision, homework and practicing what you have learned. Try to memorize as much of the Qur'an as you are able, as you will receive great rewards, especially if you become hafizah. Recite what you have learned in your prayers or at any time throughout the day.
Take it day by day. If you make it a priority to strive to be the best Muslim girl possible, you will achieve this goal without even realizing it! Every time you are about to do something, think: "Is this something good that will please Allah?" If it isn't, don't do it! Simply remind yourself and be ready to stop yourself, just in case. Every single moment of every day must be devoted to pleasing Allah (SWT) in order to attain a place in Jannah (paradise or heaven). Learn to recognise the tricks of Shaytaan, who is constantly trying to lead you astray and separate you from Allah. Always be mindful of the Day of Judgement, when the weight of good and bad deeds will be compared, which will determine whether each person is destined for Jannah (Heaven) or Jahannam (Hellfire). Never forget that Jahannam is the destiny for the non-believers, so devote time every day to strengthening your faith. In summary, focus your life on obedience and submission to Allah and live in hope of attaining Jannah.
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