You have a gut feeling.
God sometimes guides us through our intuition. When we’ve accepted God into our hearts, He can offer us insight into the path that He has chosen for us. If you’re experiencing a gut feeling that your relationship isn’t right for you, it’s a good idea to try and discern if this is a warning from God. Scripture tells us that intuition stems from God. As the Book of Job asks: “Who gives intuition to the heart and instinct to the mind?” (Job 38:36) While intuition is a great gift, it isn’t infallible. Christians are also called to use their reasoning skills to decide on the right path for them. Before breaking up with your boyfriend, have a conversation with him. It can be hard to express doubt in a relationship to your partner, but a conversation may resolve your gut feelings.
He pushes you to disobey God.
God wants you to be with someone who respects your faith. If your boyfriend is encouraging you to behave in a way that is against God’s wishes, it might be time to reconsider your relationship. Being morally upright isn’t always easy, so find a partner to support you, rather than steer you in the wrong direction. Be careful when spending time with those who are bad influences. As the Bible tells us: “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’” (1 Corinthians 15:33) Remember that God wants us to act in a way that is virtuous. Your boyfriend should not tempt you into doing things like lie, steal, or treat others callously.
He disregards your boundaries.
Crossing physical boundaries is disrespectful and can be a sign to move on. Although sexual temptation happens in relationships, it’s important to try your best to overcome these with the support of your boyfriend. If you feel like your boyfriend is constantly pushing you into physical intimacy when you’re not comfortable with it, it’s time to have a serious talk with him about your relationship. Remember that all temptations can be overcome with God. As the Bible tells us: “And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13) Breaking emotional boundaries is also something to look out for. If you feel uncomfortable with your boyfriend’s declarations of love early in your relationship, tell him that you need him to slow down. If your boyfriend crosses your physical boundaries without your consent, that’s sexual assault. If this happens to you, reach out for help as soon as possible. Sexual assault is a serious crime—please contact 800-856-HOPE to get support.
You don’t feel in control around him.
God made you an independent and capable person. If your boyfriend doesn’t give you room to make your own decisions, and you just end up going with whatever he says, it might be a time to step back from the relationship. It’s dangerous to fall into co-dependency in a relationship, and it may be worth talking to your boyfriend about carving out space for each of you to live more independent lives. Scripture tells us that we should remember that we were made to be free. As the Bible says: “You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free” (Galatians 5:13) Remember that we should trust in God and ourselves to take care of our needs, not the people we’re dating.
He’s become more important to you than God.
Relationships can sometimes lead us into idolatry. If you’re worshipping your boyfriend instead of God, take a deep breath and think about the values that are most important to you. While your love for your boyfriend can be beautiful, no earthly love can compare to the love of God. If you’re finding yourself forgetting this too often, try to reframe how you approach the relationship. The Book of Psalms reminds us that God’s love is more important than anything else: “Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire but you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (Psalm 73:25-26). While a breakup might not be necessary, it’s important to talk to him about your concerns and about finding ways to recenter your relationship around God.
He doesn’t share your commitment to God.
Shared faith is important in a Christian relationship. If your boyfriend isn’t as committed to God as you are, your relationship might face difficulties. If he can’t share your dedication to faith, it’s important that he support it. Remember that you should look for a partner that brings you closer to God, not keeps you from Him. The Bible warns us against hitching our lives to unbelievers. It tells us: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath light with darkness? And what communion hath light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14). Many Christians find their partners through their church community, but even someone in the same congregation might not share your commitment to God. Talking about your faith is important when selecting a partner.
You don’t enjoy your time together.
Dating someone should feel fun. It’s okay if there are rough patches on occasion, but if you’re not enjoying your time with your partner overall, this could be a sign from God that it’s time to move on. Romance is exciting, and so long as you maintain boundaries, you should expect to feel happy when you’re with your boyfriend. The Song of Solomon describes some of the pleasures that love offers: “Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste.” (Song of Solomon 2:3) If your relationship feels like it lacks joy and fun, try breaking out of your routine instead of breaking up. Visit new places and explore hobbies together.
You feel like you aren’t growing.
A good relationship moves you toward becoming more Christ-like. By learning how to navigate love and its difficulties, you can become a more generous and selfless person. Some relationships feel stagnant, where you don’t feel pushed to improve either as individuals or as a couple. If you aren’t growing in your relationship, God may be telling you that you’ve outgrown it altogether. Christians are called to always push themselves in order to better live as God intends. As the Bible says: “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Romans 12:2). Ask yourself if your BF makes you a better person. Does he make you happy? Does he make you feel better and stronger? Does he bring something amazing to the table for you?
You constantly feel stressed.
A good relationship feels safe. If you’re constantly wracked by anxiety in your relationship, it may be that your boyfriend isn’t providing you with the sense of security you need. God might be letting you know that another partner would be more suitable to meet your needs. One of the most famous verses in the Bible describes love’s ideal: “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love” (1 John 4:18). All relationships take work, and these stresses could have to do with a communication problem. Talking to a couple’s counselor or someone you trust in your church community as a couple can help you resolve these issues.
You aren’t supporting each other.
The Bible tells us that partners are there for each other. If you feel like your boyfriend has been tearing you down, either in public or private, he isn’t the kind of partner that God has in mind for you. If your boyfriend consistently isn’t there for you when you need him, it might be a sign that this relationship isn’t the right fit. Scripture describes what we should seek from our relationships. It tells us: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up” (Ecclesiastes 4:9).
You don’t see marriage in the cards.
For Christians, the goal of dating is to find a spouse. Your boyfriend might have different ideas regarding what kind of family he wants or he plans on moving somewhere far from your community. As difficult as it might be, if these differences are irreconcilable, this can be a strong sign that the relationship isn’t meant to be. Genesis tells us that marriage is a fundamental part of God’s plan: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) It can be really hard to break up with someone you care for just because you can’t imagine a future together. Take your time to heal, stay active with your friends and family, and know that God will help you find the right person. Remember—the longer you're in a relationship that isn't right for you, the more time you're taking away and missing out on the person that could be your perfect match. It's not really worth pursuing a relationship that isn't progressing anywhere.
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