Looking for Signs They Like You Back
Try flirting with your best friend to see how they respond. There are lots of ways to flirt, but it’s important to use subtle tactics so you don’t make your best friend uncomfortable. Try holding their gaze for a few seconds longer than usual or gently teasing your friend to see how they react. Be aware that your best friend may view your flirting as you just being nice, so don’t base your judgment of whether or not they like you on just this.
Think about whether they talk about their crushes with you. If your best friend often tells you about who they currently like or want to date, this is a sign that they’re not thinking about you romantically. See if your best friend brings up crushes around you, or ask them who they’re currently crushing on to be more direct. You might ask them, "Do you have a crush on anyone?" when you two are talking about your friends' crushes or relationships.
Notice whether your best friend gives you playful touches. These could be things like a hand on your arm when you two are talking or even an extra long hug. Similarly, use playful touches to see if your best friend might be interested in you by giving them a casual back rub or throwing your arm around their waist as you’re walking. Pay attention to how your best friend responds if you give a playful touch. If they seem uncomfortable or pull back, this likely means they’re not interested.
Compliment your best friend to hint that you like them. Tell your best friend things you like about them that you wouldn’t normally share. For example, you might tell your best friend how great they look in an outfit or how impressed you are with their academic abilities. You might compliment your friend by saying, “I love watching you play soccer, you just have so much talent!” or “That shirt really brings out the color in your eyes.”
Ask a mutual friend for their opinion if desired. If you and your best friend have another friend that you’re both close to, this friend may know how your best friend feels about you. Consider talking to your mutual friend about how you’re feeling and see what they think about you telling your best friend that you really like them. Know that the mutual friend might tell your best friend what you talked about, so be clear when you’re talking to your mutual friend if you don’t want them to share your conversation with anyone else.
Talking with Your Best Friend About Your Feelings
Plan out what you want to say beforehand so you're prepared. Write out specific things you want to tell your best friend when you're sharing your feelings, or even just think about what you might say in your head beforehand. Preparing some specific things to say will help you feel more relaxed and confident when you have the real conversation. Practice what you'd like to say in front of a mirror to help you feel more confident if you're super nervous.
Choose a time to tell them when they'll have time to process their thoughts. Telling your best friend that you like them during a commercial break or right before they need to go isn’t a good idea. Pick a moment where you’re both comfortable and have nowhere to rush off to, such as in the evening or during the weekend. For example, you might choose to talk to them Friday after school so they have the whole weekend to think about their own feelings. Telling them right before school or really quickly in between activities might cause them to feel overwhelmed. Plan to have enough time to not only tell your best friend how you feel, but to allow them time to think and respond if they’d like to.
Ask to meet with them in person. While it can be temping to tell your best friend about your feelings over text or through a phone call, it’s better to talk to them in person. This helps show that you’re serious about your feelings, and you can gauge your best friend’s reaction more easily when you’re face-to-face. Talk to your best friend when you’re together on a casual outing, such as at the park or eating a meal.
Talk to them away from other people so you both have privacy. Pick a spot to talk that isn't very public, like in a park or a secluded part of school. It’s also best to talk to your best friend away from family and friends so that neither of you feels awkward or like people are listening to your conversation. Instead of having the conversation at a loud and crowded restaurant, think about taking a walk with your best friend and telling them then.
Start up a normal conversation before sharing your feelings. Start a conversation by talking about things you would normally talk about, such as school, homework, or extracurricular activities. Once you're both feeling comfortable, let them know you have something you'd like to share with them. Be open and honest about your feelings by telling them that you’ve developed feelings for them, and you thought it was important that they knew. You might say something like, “It’s not easy for me to tell you this, but I've had a crush on you for awhile now.”
Emphasize how important your friendship is to you. While you want to turn your friendship with your best friend into something more, it’s important to tell your friend that you don’t want to lose them if they don’t return your feelings. Tell them how much you value the friendship and that you want to make sure it stays intact. After telling your best friend your feelings, you might add, “If you liked me back that would be great, but I want our friendship to be the top priority.”
Let your best friend know they don't have to say anything right away. It's likely that your best friend will be surprised by your news, and they may not know exactly what they're thinking quite yet. Reassure them that you're not asking them for an answer, and that you just wanted them to know how you feel. Avoid immediately asking your friend how they feel about you or what they’re thinking to give them time to sort through their thoughts.
Dealing with Your Crush's Response
Give your best friend time to process that you like them. It might take your best friend a couple days to sort through their thoughts and feelings. Give them some space and time to figure out how they feel, as well as what they want to say to you. While you should give your best friend a day or two to process what you've told them, continue hanging out and talking with them as you normally would unless they say they need some time to themselves.
Accept your friend’s reaction no matter what it is. After you’ve told your best friend your feelings, give them time to process them. Whether they seem confused, excited, embarrassed or any other type of emotion, stay calm and be respectful of their feelings.
Take it slow if your best friend decides they have feelings for you too. If your best friend tells you they like you too, awesome! Take your time when starting a relationship and avoid jumping into things too quickly. Remember that your friendship is still very important, and you don’t want to do anything to jeopardize it. Start by planning a romantic date for just the two of you to test out how your new relationship will work.
Avoid treating your best friend differently if they reject you. If your best friend tells you that they don’t see you that way and just want to be friends, accept this news and try to put it past you. While it’s normal to feel awkward around your best friend because of your shared feelings, be proud of yourself for putting yourself out there and make an effort to keep your friendship just as strong. It’s a good idea to put some distance between yourself and your best friend for a little while after revealing your feelings if you’re feeling especially sad about their decision.
Spend time with your family and hobbies to help distract you if needed. If you're feeling sad about your best friend's decision, try to focus on things you enjoy. Spend time hanging out with other friends, visiting with family, and exploring your hobbies and passions to help put you in a good mood. Make arts and crafts, play a sport, read, or write music to help you focus on things you love. If you need to talk about your feelings with someone, ask a family member or other close friend if they wouldn't mind listening and giving you advice.
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