How to Tell Someone They Talk Too Much

Set some boundaries ahead of time.

This can be a tactful way to stop the problem before it starts. You won’t always have this option, but if you’re going into a meeting or starting a conversation with someone who talks too much, try establishing a few ground rules. For example, in a group setting, you might open by asking everyone to raise their hands before speaking and keep their comments brief. You might say something like, "I need to cover a lot in this meeting, so I’m asking everyone to save their questions until the end."

Try a few visual cues first.

Hopefully, they’ll get the hint and end the conversation on their own. If the idea of confronting this person makes you cringe, consider some preemptive measures. For example, if a chatty coworker or classmate walks up to your desk and starts talking, just keep on working. Then, clear your throat a few of times, look distracted, and repeatedly check your watch. If you’re expecting them to approach any minute, try putting on headphones. If you work in an office setting, try putting a sign on your door that says “Do not disturb,” “On a call,” or “In a meeting.”

Bring up the topic in private.

If you’re in a group setting, don’t call the person out in front of everyone. This conversation may be a bit awkward, so it’s better to take the person aside and speak to them one-on-one. Speak with them privately for a few minutes or set up a brief face-to-face chat behind closed doors. Be casual so the rest of the group doesn’t pick up on it. You might say, “Those are good points, Sondra, but let’s put a pin in that for now. You and I can talk about that after the meeting.” If you're at lunch with a group and one friend is dominating the conversation, you could say, "Sarah, let's talk about that after we finish eating since it only pertains to us. Plus, I know you want to hear about Erika's vacation just as much as I do!"

Interrupt as politely as you can.

Try to jump in at the end of a sentence rather than cutting them off. Even if the person is being annoying, a mid-sentence interruption can be pretty harsh. Try to wait until they finish a sentence or complete their thought before interrupting them. You can even apologize for interrupting them, but be firm about it. For example, you might say: "May I stop you right there? I have something I need to say." "I’m sorry to interrupt you, but I’d like to tell you something I’ve noticed lately."

Say you need to cut the conversation short.

This can help if you're in a rush to get somewhere. If you're in a hurry, or you just don't have the energy for a heart-to-heart right now, say you're on your way to a meeting or appointment. Then, make a quick exit. You still need to discuss the chattiness issue with them; this is only a temporary solution. But it's a useful one! You could say: "I hate to interrupt you but I was literally just walking out the door. I'm in a bit of a rush. Can we catch up later?" "I have an appointment in 5 minutes—let’s be quick so I won't be late." "I only have a few minutes to spare; I was just on my way out."

Address the issue in a clear, neutral way.

Use a matter-of-fact tone and be specific so they get the message. This isn’t a conversation you want to have more than once, so don’t beat around the bush! That said, you still want to be polite. Aim to keep your facial expression neutral and avoid inserting emotion into your criticism. For example, you might say: "Allie, you didn't give me a chance to share my point of view at book club today. When I tried, you talked over me." "You made great points at today's meeting, Rich, but it took you awhile to get to them. I'm worried your coworkers tuned out and missed your helpful insights." "Phil, I love hearing from you, but I haven't been able to get a word in edgewise since we got on the phone! I was really hoping to talk to you about my recent vacation. You would have loved it in Borneo."

Try humor if you know the person well.

Smile and use a gentle voice so they know you're joking. Sometimes, chatty friends get excited about a topic and start to ramble a bit. We all know and love a friend like this! Using humor is a low key way to let your friend know they're dominating the conversation. You might say: "Oh hi, remember me? I'm still here." "Slow your roll, bestie! Can I get a word in edgewise at some point?" Pointedly look at your watch and then say, "Time is still a thing, Jen. Remember time? Girl, let me talk! You're going to be so shook when I tell you what Tim did this weekend."

Acknowledge they aren’t doing it on purpose.

In most cases, the person probably has no idea they’re rambling. If you’ve never confronted them about this problem before, give them the benefit of the doubt. They may be completely unaware they're doing this. Even if they are aware of it, they probably aren't doing it with malicious intent. The conversation may go more smoothly if you acknowledge that. For example, you might say: "I don’t believe you’re talking over everyone on purpose, Bob. I’m sure it’s an honest mistake." "I realize you aren’t purposely monopolizing our conversations, Darren." Try to avoid complaints and sweeping generalizations like: "People hate it when you talk too much" or "You never let anyone else speak."

Soften the blow by using “I” statements.

Criticism can be a little easier to hear this way. Confrontations are tricky! “You” based statements can come off as accusatory. Instead, try using “I” statements to communicate the issue. Your feedback will sound less judgmental and the person is less likely to get defensive. For example: "I feel like you aren’t interested in what I have to say." "Sometimes I worry that you don't want to be my friend anymore because I never get a chance to share my thoughts when we talk." "I’m concerned about group participation at meetings. It’s my responsibility to make sure all employees get to contribute but lately, most of them never get a chance."

Offer suggestions or solutions.

It can make the person feel like you genuinely want to help them. Try to approach the issue from a place of helpfulness. If you have possible solutions for the problem, bring them up! If you don’t, simply ask if there’s anything you can do to help them improve. For example: "Are you open to a different approach at our meetings? We could make it a rule that everyone gets a chance to talk for 1-2 minutes." "Can I be a better listener or support you as a friend in some other way?" "If you’d like, I can help you practice being more concise for presentations. We can do it privately in my office. No one needs to know about it."

Give them a chance to respond—briefly.

They'll feel heard and may have a legitimate reason for the behavior. There are lots of reasons why a person might be talking too much. Maybe they deal with a lot of anxiety or they’re masking low self-esteem. Give them a chance to respond and hear them out for a few minutes. Just don’t let them go on too long! For example, if they say they're anxious, say something like, "That's totally understandable. We still need to work on this behavior, but I'm glad I have a better understanding of what's going on. I'll try to provide more structure at the next meeting to help you out." If your friend says she didn't even realize she was doing it and apologizes, say something like, "No worries, Jill! It's not a huge deal at all. Let's talk next week, though. Maybe over coffee?" Keep in mind that talkativeness may stem from an underlying condition or disorder (like ADHD).