Reflecting on Your Life
Accept the past. You can't start over in your life if you're still holding onto the past. Whether that be a relationship, job, family or other situation, you need to accept what has happened. Acceptance doesn't necessarily mean forgiveness or understanding. It just means that you have realized something has happened, you acknowledged it, and you are ready to move on from it. Remember that pain and suffering aren't the same thing. You will feel pain and hurt when you're life isn't going in the direction you want, but you don't have to suffer. Suffering is a choice. Nothing last forever, including pain. So, acknowledge it, experience it, and move on from it. Don't center your life around the hurt and the failures; get out of that story and avoid the drama (e.g., "I will never find love again" or "I will never be able to get another job").
Remember that things happen for a reason. This is not to say that you are powerless and that things are just "fated" to be a certain way. Rather, nothing has meaning besides the meaning you assign to it. It's up to you to make every event, incident, and moment in your life empowering or disempowering. The lessons you are to learn won't be obvious; you instead have to discover what your life is telling you. For example, what if you are asked to step down from a position in your career because your ideas for the business are too big or you are taking things in a different direction than what management envisions for the company? Instead of reading this as a failure on your part, think of it as confirmation that you and your boss have fundamentally different visions and that perhaps it's time to part ways so you can realize your vision elsewhere.
Take stock of your failures and successes. You can't "quit life", so instead of getting down when things aren't working out as planned, ask yourself, "What is or was working in my situation or circumstance?" Write it all down. Keep notes to yourself about your successes, even the small ones. Write every night about something that went well that day. Focusing on the positive helps attract more of it! Then think about how can promoting what is or was working for you even more. For example, maybe you realize that in you were great at talking with customers but that the location wasn't right for your business and that you need to change venues to an area with more foot traffic. Think about what works or worked for you and how you could improve on that even further.
Don't announce that you are starting over. Just do it. You don't need to validate your choices to make a change in your life. You don't need to tell other people or ask them what they think you should do; often when we feel insecure, we consult others so that we feel better about our plan or to prepare them for the transformation. But your life is your life. Move on and people will grow with you. Those that don't perhaps aren't meant to be in your life in the first place. Your next steps in life aren't about anyone else but you. Ignore what everyone else says. A lot of their resistance will be about them and not you because it makes them question their own lives. Remember that only you need to feel comfortable with your choices and decisions. Sheryl Sandberg Sheryl Sandberg, Bestselling Author and Philanthropist When starting over, begin by letting go of who you used to be and what no longer serves your higher purpose. Make space for the new identity waiting to emerge, not by erasing your history, but by no longer letting it dictate your future. What matters now is who you choose to become.
Looking Forward
Discover your purpose. Thinking about the meaning of your life is one of the first major steps toward making big changes. What are you good at? What do you enjoy doing? What are you passionate about? What makes you feel like you matter? Answering these questions is key to figuring out what will make you happy and give you a fulfilling life. Say, you love yoga and have been going to yoga classes 3 times a week for 5 years. Maybe it's not your hobby, but your passion! Maybe you'd like to shift from being the student to the teacher. Think about what truly satisfies your life and makes you feel like you are making a difference and make that the core of your new life. Life is only worth living if you are really living. If you've always wanted to teach yoga, why not go for it? You get one life, so make sure you are doing the right things with it. Don't wait around for a reason to start living your life the way you want.
Set goals and make decisions. Once you have determined your general purpose and big life goals, decide specifically how you will reach these goals and then make the needed changes. Are you going to break up with your current partner? Are you going to move to a new city? Are you going back to school? Set short-term, medium-term, and long-term goals for yourself. Write them down and put them somewhere where you can see them daily (e.g., a refrigerator door or stuck to your bedroom mirror). Organize your life. You can't change your life if you're living a crazy unorganized way. Once you know exactly what change you want to effect and what goals you want to reach, you can begin to plan to make the necessary changes.
Take a new route. Do something different and surprise yourself; you'll probably learn something you didn't know about who you are and what you can do. One of the best ways to jolt yourself out of a life you're not satisfied with is to do something completely different. Go on a trip to some place you've never been. Start learning a language. Take up a new sport or exercise, whether it be gymnastics, kick boxing or cycling. Even if you think you might be terrible at it, give something new a try. Trying something new things mentally and physically challenges us and also gives us a fresh excitement for life as we can see the endless possibilities of the next day. Yes, the unknown is scary, but it is also equally scary to do what you know and continue down a disappointing and unsatisfying path. You might feel nervous or insecure about starting over but you need to think about whether this is worse than the disappoint and lack of fulfillment you feel with your life as it stands.
Make Sense your new motto. Live in the moment and know that's the only moment that really matters. Give it your full attention. It's your reality. And when that moment is over, move to the next moment. Are you still breathing? Yes. Then, consider that moment handled successfully! Move on to the next moment that will bring you one step closer to engaging in your life again. Take one day at a time. This may sound clichéd, but that doesn't make it less true. Do what needs to be done TODAY—not tomorrow, not next week. This is what makes starting over manageable. Trying to face the next 365 days can seem impossible, but trying to face the single day ahead seems possible!
Get over yourself. You don't know everything. You make mistakes. Knowing how to change your own oil, cook a fancy French dinner, or understand the ins-and-outs of macro-economics does not make you a better person. It just makes you more knowledgeable about some things. Is it knowledge you desire or the ability to prove something to others? Ask yourself why it matters. Does it make you happy? If the answer is no, stop it! You can't do everything and you don't have to. If you're actually interested in learning how to do something, go for it! But if you're doing something to prove to others that you can do it or that you're an everyman or every woman, then knock it off. You're enough in and of yourself. You don't need to prove anything to anyone.
Rely on others and ask for help. Once you are comfortable with the idea of not needing to know everything, take a look at what you're doing that's not your expertise, skill set or something that you simply have no interest in doing. Hire it out; pay someone to change your oil or to wash the windows. Make decisions about how you want to spend your time and what you can afford to do. Ask for help when you need it and rely on those with expertise in a certain area when you're unsure of how to do something. Needing, asking for and hiring help doesn't make you weak but instead makes you smart and resourceful. Everyone has different skills and no man is an island.
Prepare for moments of weakness. Sometimes you will feel like your new plan is not working and you will want to revert to your old life. Plan for these moments. This might mean deleting the numbers of people you call or text when you're down and need validation, like an old ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. It might mean not buying junk food for the house if you know you're a stress eater. Having moments of weakness is common. We all stumble and vacillate between what is best for us in the future and what is easy right now. Challenge your "now" and replace it with your vision for your life in the long term.
Celebrate your progress. Remember to acknowledge all progress toward your new goal. Some of your milestones might be in the very long term and sometimes you can lose sight of what you're working towards. Instead, remember that the long run is a bunch of shorter runs and celebrate your successes along the way. Feel good about each step you take towards that new life, whether it be ending a relationship with a toxic person, sending out resumes, or joining a class in something you've never tried before. All of these small pieces are helping you create and realize the new life you've imagined for yourself.
Keep moving. Life is always evolving and so should you. Stopping to smell the roses and embrace the moment is one thing, but simply stopping and standing still is another. You don't want your life to become stagnant again. There are always new people, new opportunities, and new experiences waiting for you and you should seek them out!
Comments
0 comment