How to Meet Your Crush for the First Time

Approaching Your Crush In-Person

Do a quick check of your hair and clothes before you approach. Just before you walk over, brush off your clothes, check your teeth, and smooth your hair discreetly. Besides making sure there’s nothing out of place in your appearance, taking this extra moment can help you gather yourself and feel more confident before you approach them.

Bring a friend along for support, especially if they know your crush. If you still feel too freaked out about approaching your crush, ask a friend to come with you. This works especially well if your friend already knows your crush—they can help start a conversation and ease over any awkward moments. You don’t have to tell your friend that you have a crush if you don’t want to. Say something like, “Hey, Rachel’s in your math class, right? Can you introduce me? I need help on this new chapter.” It’s also great to bring a friend along if your crush is hanging out with a big group of people. Approaching with some backup can help you feel more confident.

Start walking towards your crush as soon as you see them. When you see your crush, your first reaction is probably excitement—and anxiety! Don’t give yourself time to freak out. Instead, take a deep breath and start walking towards them before you can talk yourself out of it. Try giving yourself a 3-second deadline to go talk to your crush. Hesitating gives you time to start worrying and second-guessing yourself. Going straight up to them will actually help you feel more confident!

Introduce yourself and say a casual hello. When you get to your crush, just smile and say hi! If you’ve never officially met before, tell them your name. Relax and talk normally—remember that this is just another conversation. Say something like, “Hey, I’m not sure we’ve officially met yet. My name is David.” Introducing yourself is a great way to start if you have something specific to ask of your crush, such as help on a project. If you want to start a more casual conversation, you might want to jump right in with a question or clever comment. Start however feels most natural to you and the situation.

Having a Face-to-Face Conversation

Ask them a question or make a comment about something around you. The best icebreaker is the one that feels most natural to you in the moment. If you know a little about your crush, try asking them a question about a class or something they’re good at. If you’re just getting to know them, start with a comment on something happening around you. For a relaxed start to a conversation, begin your question with “I heard…”, such as, “So, I heard you’re on the basketball team. How are you guys doing this year?” If you’re starting with a comment, make an observation on something around you. You could lightly complain about cafeteria food or the drinks at a bar, or point out decorations at a dance or in a hallway. Bringing up something you have in common, like a class or an interest, is a great conversation starter. Say something like, “Have you started the history assignment yet?” or “Have you heard about that new superhero movie?”

Try starting out with a meaningful compliment. Starting a conversation with a compliment is great, as long as you choose the right form of flattery. Avoid comments on their appearance, which can come off as cheap flirtation. Instead, compliment something they did recently or something you truly admire about them. For example, you could compliment them on a recent achievement by saying, “I heard you did really well on the last algebra test. That’s awesome! How much did you have to study?” If you know they have a special talent or hobby, comment on it to show that you’re interested in them. Say, for example, “Is it true you play the drums? That’s so cool.” To keep things casual, lightly tease your crush while you compliment them. For example, you could smile and say, “So I heard you’re this big soccer star, huh?”

Keep the conversation going with lots of questions. Once you’ve broken the ice, continue the conversation by asking them more questions. This makes it easy on your crush—all they have to do is talk about themselves—and shows them that you’re genuinely interested in their life. Continue talking about the first topic you brought up. If you’ve run out of things to talk about in that subject, move on to something easy, like “What are you up to this weekend?”

Smile at them and laugh to put them at ease. It’s normal to be nervous while talking to your crush, but cover it up by smiling, laughing, and keeping your body relaxed. Besides making yourself feel better, your friendliness will help your crush relax too, and give them a better impression of you. Distract yourself from your nerves by listening to what your crush is talking about and coming up with new questions to ask them. If your hands are fidgeting or shaking, put them in your pockets or grab a book or bag to hold. Remember to make eye contact while you talk. Don’t stare at your crush, but make sure to hold eye contact for at least a few seconds at a time to show that you’re interested in what they’re saying.

Listen to your crush’s responses to decide your next move. If your crush is responding, asking you questions, and smiling, keep talking—you’re having a great conversation! If they’re giving one word answers, looking away, and crossing their arms or leaning away, they’re probably not interested. If you can tell they’re not into the conversation, tell them you have to go but that it was great to talk to them. Don’t be mean or impolite—they might just be having a bad day, and you may still be able to talk to them another time.

Set up a plan to meet again if it feels natural. If the conversation is going well and it feels right, you can try making plans to see your crush again. This will be most natural if you’ve been talking to your crush about a specific event or project. For example, if you were talking about an upcoming test, you could say, “Would you want to get together to study for that?” If you were talking about an event, like a concert or sports game, you could say, “My friends and I actually have an extra ticket to that if you wanted to go!” It’s OK if making plans feels too sudden. Now that you’ve had a great conversation, you’ll be able to talk to them again and start building a friendship, and maybe more.

Say you’ll see them around if you don’t want to make plans. If you want to keep the interaction casual, say something simple like “Well, I’ll see you around then,” or “see you later!” Smile at them one last time before you leave to show that you had a good time talking with them. If it feels awkward to leave without giving an excuse, say something like, “Well, I better get back to my friends, but it was great talking to you,” or, “I should get to class, but I’ll see you around!”

Make a joke as you leave. It’s great to leave your crush while they’re smiling and laughing so you can end the conversation on a good note. Try looping back to something you said at the beginning of your conversation or teasing them lightly. You could say, for example, “I’d better get to class, at least one of us should be on time!” or “So I guess I’ll be seeing your name in the paper when you get that game-winning hit on Saturday!”

Move on if they’re not interested. If you can tell your crush isn’t interested in talking to you, end the conversation politely and leave. You might be disappointed and upset, but be proud of yourself—it takes a lot of bravery to talk to your crush for the first time. Make up an excuse to leave quickly and politely. You could say, for example, “I’m meeting a friend for lunch, so I better go. See you later.” It never feels good to get shut down by someone you like, and it’s OK to feel disappointed or upset. Let yourself feel sad for a few minutes, then move on and focus on other things. If they’re not interested, it’s their loss.

Texting with Your Crush for the First Time

Don’t be afraid to text them first. Texting your crush first is definitely nerve-wracking, but sometimes it’s way better than waiting for them to make the first move. They’ll be thankful that you took the pressure off of them, and you’ll get to choose the conversation topic. Once you decide to text them, take a few minutes to gather your courage and decide what you want to say. Take a few deep breaths and remember that everything is going to be OK. Remember that you have a big advantage: since you’re talking over text, your crush won’t be able to tell that you’re nervous!

Start things off with a casual, specific question. It’s great to start a texting conversation with a question about something you have in common with your crush, like a class, an event, or someone you both know. This conversation starter feels easy and natural, and makes it simple to move into other topics right after. For example, you could say something like, “Hey, are you going to Josh’s party tonight?” or “Do you have the math homework for this week? I totally forgot to write it down.” You could also start off with a comment about something you have in common, like “Mr. Jones was being so crazy in history today,” or “The Lions played really well last night, did you watch the game?”

Send them a funny meme or gif to make them laugh. Memes and gifs are a great way to break the ice over text. Send one that relates to something you know about them, that you have in common, or that reminds them of you. For example, if your crush is taking exams all week, you could send them a funny “Good luck on your exams!” meme or gif. Try not to send something that’s totally random, which could confuse them or make them feel awkward. You want them to be able to tell what you’re referencing, which will make it feel like a funny inside joke.

Tease them lightly to show your sense of humor. If you know that your crush has a good sense of humor, try throwing in a light, underhanded “insult” to make them want to work for your approval. Being witty and funny will make the conversation fun and keep your crush on their toes. For example, you could say something like, “I heard you passed your driver’s test the other day… I’ll tell everyone I know to stay off the roads ;)” You can also try self-deprecating or exaggerated humor about yourself. If they mention that you got a high score on a test, for example, you could say something like, “Yeah, apparently I’m a genius or something ¯\_(ツ)_/¯” Only tease them about lighter topics. Stay away from things like family, appearance, politics, or other sensitive subjects, especially if you’re just getting to know them.

Don’t text them over and over, especially if they’re not responding. It can feel really frustrating if your crush doesn’t text you back right away, but do your best to stay patient and not text them until they respond. Texting them over and over again can get annoying and make you seem needy. Waiting to text back until they respond can show that you’re relaxed, flexible, and even intriguing. It’s best not to flood them with messages even when they do text you back. Sending just one or two messages at a time shows that you’re playing it cool and have your own life.

Limit your emojis and exclamation points. Going overboard with emojis, exclamation marks, and question marks can make you seem unsure of yourself. Instead, limit yourself to just one exclamation mark or emoji per text, especially at the beginning when you’re still learning your crush’s texting style.

Stay calm and be yourself. Don’t hide behind your phone and pretend you’re someone that you’re not. Being genuine and confident in who you are is the most attractive thing you can do! Feel free to take a few minutes between texts to take a few calming breaths and think about what you want to say next. It’s fine to take up to 10-15 minutes (but no longer) to send your next text if you really need time to think.

Move on if it seems like your crush isn’t interested. No matter how many friendly, charismatic techniques you use, sometimes your crush just won’t be interested. If they’re responding with 1-2 word messages, or not responding at all, they’re probably not that invested in the conversation—and not worth your time. At this point, it’s best to put down your phone and walk away. Stop texting them and respect that they don’t feel the same way, but remember that it’s their loss. Remember, you should never use up your time on someone who doesn’t see how awesome you are. It’s OK to feel disappointed and upset, but you should also be really proud of yourself for having the courage to put yourself out there.