Keep your plans to yourself.
Members of the church may shame you if you tell them you’re leaving. You’re under no obligation to share what you’re feeling with others—especially if they’re devout members of the church. Avoid the shaming and shunning if you can and wait until you have a support system in place before you tell anyone why you don't come around anymore.
Build a support system.
Find some friends or professionals who will have your back. You may need some help when it comes to adjusting to life outside the church. You may want to consult a therapist, visit an online community of former members, and join a group based on a hobby or shared ethnic heritage. In time, you may want to join a new faith community.
Take it slow.
It’s okay to take your time and do this in stages. Understand that you will feel ambivalent about the church, its members, and its teachings. You are free to question everything. Allow yourself time to develop a new philosophy and don't be tempted by new dogma.
Face your fears.
Some of this may be scary, so examine what’s driving your fear. You were indoctrinated in a rigid belief system, and it will take time to sort out the fact from the fiction, the good from the bad, the love from the fear. Trust that your doubts are there to teach you, not to condemn you.
Learn about faith's history and heritage.
Knowing why your church is the way it is may make walking away easier. The more you know about its past, the more you will see its sociological context. Check out the many resources online about Laestadianism, fundamentalism, and the Sami.
Forgive those who shun you.
Recognize that anyone lashing out at you is just scared. Don't feel like you have to answer questions or explain yourself. Protect your emerging identity from scrutiny as you discover who you are and who you want to be.
Practice moderation.
Don’t try to make up for lost time by overdoing it. It may be tempting to get out there and start exploring previously forbidden activities, including sports, music, television, dancing, and alcohol. Play safe and don't do anything you wouldn't want to tell your grandchildren about.
Travel widely.
You probably haven’t explored a whole lot, so get out there! The more of the world you see, the more confident you will be in your decision and the bigger your social network will be. Insular communities often keep their members from seeing other parts of the world to shield them from alternatives, but you don’t need to worry about that anymore!
Be thankful.
Looking on the bright side makes walking away a lot easier. When tempted to be bitter about your past, remember that it could have been a lot worse, and you have the rest of your life to live differently.
Be generous.
Use your expanded sense of community to help others in need. You will never be happier than when you are using your gifts to help others, and you will be too busy to be bitter. Connect with other ex-members of your church and see how you can help.
Enjoy the things you weren’t allowed to.
If you are female and want to cut your hair for the first time, consider donating it to Locks of Love. If you are male and want to wear a necktie or get a tattoo or earring, go for it!
Learn to be comfortable with your journey.
You may feel torn between two cultures, and that’s okay. You may feel like you don’t fit in with Apostolic society or mainstream American/Canadian culture. This is a universal phenomenon and not unique to Laestadianism. It helps to talk to others who have been there and understand, whether they have left the OALC or some other kind of fundamentalism. Seek them out.
Pursue knowledge.
Explore the world that was kept from you for so long. For anyone leaving a fundamentalist community, pursuing formal and informal education is important step towards self-improvement and expanding your worldview.
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