How to Be a Proverbs 31 Wife

Make your spouse's life better than it was before. Proverbs 31:10-12 says, "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her, and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life." It is interesting that it says, "A wife of noble character who can find?" meaning that it is very rare. But if you are such a wife, you are worth far more than rubies! That is some incentive to become a wife of rare quality, yes? If you are worth far more than rubies, then you are highly prized. That is always a good thing when it comes to marriage. Why does her spouse have confidence in her? Because she causes good, not harm; she is a good person. Her spouse knows that she won't cheat or abandon the family, because she has integrity. She will work hard, show her love, and talk about problems when they arise instead of hiding them. Contrast this with another verse in Proverbs, "[It is] better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." (Proverbs 21:9) Don't pick fights. Bring up problems respectfully, without taking out your frustrations on your spouse. Obviously, if you try to fight with your partner all the time, that would cause harm and not good. So seek to address problems respectfully and constructively.

Take good care of your family. Proverbs 31:13-15 says, "She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants." The modern equivalent would mean working hard on whatever your job for the family is. Depending on the division of labor in your family, you may have a career and/or chores at home. Stay on top of your responsibilities. Don't let work pile up. Ask for help if you need it. It is interesting that it says, "She gets up while it is still night." This is a reality for any mother with small children already, but the idea is to selflessly help your family as much as you can. Do what you can to meet the needs of your family, especially any children who can't care for themselves yet. Of course, you still need to make sure you're getting enough rest; you're not helpful to anyone if you're physically or emotionally exhausted. Talk to your spouse about what to do if you feel overwhelmed by your responsibilities. You may need to re-allocate the work, or even hire help with cooking and cleaning. Problem solve together on how you can ensure that the work gets done without exhausting anyone.

Be wise with your money. Proverbs 31:16 says, "She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard." Make great decisions when it comes to what you purchase. In our modern day, don't get fooled by advertisers who want to sell you anything and everything. Consider what you buy before you buy it, in everything. Be a good steward with your money and what you choose to buy. You may not literally plant a vineyard, but you can make money in other ways. Write, make jewelry, tutor, or find another way to make extra money if you can. You can also learn about the stock market and buy some index funds for long-term gain. There is a comical quote that says, "Lucky is the man who can make more than his wife spends." But seriously, don't overspend. Divorce is often caused by arguments over money. Think before you spend. Big purchases should only be made if both spouses agree. Verse 27 says she "does not eat the bread of idleness." Don't waste your time and be idle, doing nothing. There are plenty of jobs that you can do from home, if you are a stay at home mom, such as telemarketing, sewing, writing, and graphic design. You could even make a little extra income by selling stuff you no longer need or want (like toys your kids have outgrown, books and DVDs you've already read, electronics you've replaced, etc.) on eBay. Try to make good use of your time and be productive.

Be a hard worker. Proverbs 31:17 says, "She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks." Find things to do to help your family. The Bible says, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters." (Colossians 3:23) You are working to serve your spouse and children, but primarily you are working to serve God. You may think at times that your family doesn't deserve your hard work, but you are not working for them, per se; you are working for God. Serve God by serving the needy and your family and children, teaching them to serve others. Some say that motherhood is the most thankless job because you never get a promotion or public recognition. You just do all your tasks humbly and quietly. This is why some women get frustrated about the work they have to do. Always remember, you are working unto God. God will reward you for what you do, don't worry. Jesus said in Matthew 6:19, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal." There may not be many rewards in this life, but you are building treasures in heaven with everything you do for your family. 1 Cor. 3:14-15 says, "If what has been built survives, the builder will receive a reward. If it is burned up, the builder will suffer loss but yet will be saved—even though only as one escaping through the flames." Whatever we build on the foundation of Jesus in our lives is what we will be rewarded for in heaven, even if it doesn't last. Every selfless deed, every act of love, we will be rewarded for in heaven someday. Of course, knowing that God will reward you doesn't mean you should suffer in silence. It's okay to say "Sometimes I feel unappreciated" or "I get overwhelmed at times and I need more help around the house." Be assertive if things aren't going well.

Be a generous and kind person. Proverbs 31:21 says, "She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy." Find ways to help others in your everyday life. Do it regardless of whether other people can see. Try donating money and old clothes to charity. Try volunteering at a food kitchen, tutoring center for disadvantaged students, homeless shelter, animal shelter, hospital, or other place dedicated to helping people in need. Avoid judging people who are in bad situations, even if they made mistakes. Instead, ask them how you can help. Vote mindfully. Never vote for politicians who would disenfranchise the oppressed.

Dress well, without worrying too much about it. Verse 22 does say, "She is clothed in fine linen and purple." So this Proverbs 31 woman is well dressed. But keep in mind verse 30, "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." The most important thing to keep attractive is your heart. Beauty is fleeting. Everyone ages, but you will have your heart and your character as long as you are alive. Work on cultivating your inner beauty more than your physical beauty.

Speak respectfully of your spouse. Verse 23 says, "Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land." Don't gossip about your spouse and insult their character. Speak in such a way about him to others so that others will respect him. Know the difference between gossiping and asking for advice. Criticizing your spouse is bad. Confidentially asking for help solving a marital issue can be all right. There is a big difference between saying "My husband is so selfish" and "How do I approach my husband about my frustration with this issue?" Of course, this does not apply if you have an abusive spouse. Do not lie to protect the reputation of a cruel man. Tell other people what is happening, and ask them to help you. Your safety, and the safety of your children (if you have any) comes first.

Be a confident woman. Verse 25 says, "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." Believe in your own strength and abilities. Trust that God has your future in the palm of his hand, then you can "laugh at the days to come." Be a woman of faith, not fear.

Be wise and give advice where needed. Verse 26 says, "She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue." In order to teach your children, seek to grow in wisdom. Read books. Listen to sermons. Read the Bible as much as you can. Pray for wisdom. When someone is upset, validate their feelings and listen closely to their sorrows. This can make them feel much better.

Expect respect from your children and spouse. Verse 28 and 29 say, "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 'Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.' " Treat them with respect, and expect them to do the same to you. Each one of you was created by God, and each one of you deserves to be treated with basic dignity. If they call you names or disrespect you, nip it in the bud. Say "You may not talk to me that way" or "I'm leaving. Come back when you can speak to me respectfully." People tend to show respect for people who show respect from them. Treat your family respectfully, without losing control of your temper or calling names. (Take a break if necessary.) Avoid harsh punishments, and discipline fairly and compassionately.

Do not take on more than you can handle. Although God will help you, God helps those who help themselves. If you take on what you know you can't handle, God may not help you with that. This could be having children when you know you can't provide for them, or don't want them (which would mean it would take an emotional toll on you greater than you can handle), taking on a greater workload than you can take, etc. Say how you feel. It's okay to say "I'm overwhelmed" or "I've taken on more than I can handle." Reach out to others for assistance and advice.